Great Northwest

Battambang:
Very chill little city. Wooden-shutters on old French colonial buildings, traditional Khmer houses, Thai-style temples...And they haven't replaced everything with crap plastic and tinfoil-looking facades. Not yet. Yeah, they have billboards and a bit more traffic than I remember but the place still has character.

Let's hope they don't fuck it up.*

Sleepless:
On a recommendation, I checked into the new Seng Hout Hotel. Nice place, nice staff, good location. $15 a night for A/C, cable, fridge, hot water, clean rooms...

But the mattress - hard as a fucking rock. Dead tired when I checked in, hoping to get some sacktime before a meeting. Spent 4 angry hours trying to get comfortable, cursing the asshole that thought these beds were a good idea. Enough. Got up - back hurting, evil mood - and went looking for a new place to stay.

"But sir, this one new. Very good." :
A zombie traipsing through downtown Battambang. Same story everywhere I went. City is full of nice $15 rooms - The Lux, and some others - but they all had the same back-busting mattresses. Must have gotten a deal from the same supplier. May he burn in hell.

Sleep:
Wound up at the Star Hotel near a bus station. $15 and a mattress that let me get some shut eye. The WiFi was slow as shit but the staff was pretty cool. Anyway, if you like a FIRM bed, you are in luck, but if you don't like sleeping on a slab of wood, keep all this in mind.

Enough of My Whining:
Didn't bother hitting the bars in town. I did hop on a moto for nighttime cruises through the ville. A lot of Khmer clubs around. Neon-lit, chicks out front. Some action out behind the Teo Hotel. If you know where you are going , you can have a good time up there.

Etc..:
The BBQ chicken at the market didn't make me sick and the White Rose Restaurant - still a win. Didn't see anything north of $2.50 on the menu, and they stay open til 10. (And they have diet coke - 3000r.) While I was there, the town was gearing up for some pre-Water Festival boat racing. Festive happenings along the river. Kids rides, music, and carnival games. Rows of fat balloons - 1000r a dart. All you had to do was hit one and pop it.

Best carny game ever. I came away with all sorts of shit. Photo frames, a plastic bow-arrow set, a coffee mug... Housekeeper at my hotel scored some of the loot. I laid the stuffed rabbit on a glue-sniffing kid. Made his day. The act of kindness left him speechless. Or maybe his brain is gone. Whatever. It was a good night. I like Battambang.

More info you didn't ask for:
Taxi (the whole car) PNH-BTTMBG cost me $35 / The guy on the return trip wanted $40 (We made stops in Pursat and Kampong Channang.)

Noted on Highway 5:

• 1 crane sitting halfway through the newly constructed wall it had just smashed.
• 1 dead-looking dude sprawled face-down on the pavement; a worried old woman hovering over him.
  
• 1 completely overturned pickup loaded with logs and a dinged-up mini-bus. Gawkers delight.
• 1 vivid set of skid marks leading straight into a ditch.
  

*And a hearty FUCK YOU to Attwood Group for that ugly space station inspired building they put up. Soulless pricks.

The Road Runner

Looks like that Wile E. Coyote is up to his old shenanigans again!

Original Story

Just More Rambling

GOING, GOING…

Soon to be gone!

Been to Sihanoukville lately? If you liked it as it was, you’d better get down there quickly!
Sokha beach was privatized years ago, and part of Victory beach was taken away not too long ago. And Hawaii beach was also slotted for development long ago and that is now proceeding.


Now Independence beach is completely fenced off ala the riverfront in Phnom Penh, and so is the end of Ochheuteal beach where the fishing village used to be. That was bulldozed a couple of weeks ago by a Cambodian-American lawyer who is also an assistant to a Senate and local political party President. According to the Daily, the lawyer said, “’Municipal governor of Sihanoukville Say Hak said I had no permission, it’s true,’” and he went on to explain that “he needed to bulldoze the houses first so as to know the size of ‘the exact area before obtaining permission’” to bulldoze!

Ahhh, perfect logic in this country!

And the shop owners on Otres got a reprieve after being given a week to vacate their premises. The initial eviction order was overturned after a protest in Phnom Penh, but they are to be “inspected” again in April. Any bets as to pass/fail on this one?

So that leaves part of Ochheuteal – the old golf course is now taken over by Sokha where they

plan to put up another resort with private beach – and Serendipity. How long do you think these will last as they are? In August of 2007, the PP Post reported the following:

Cambodia’s most popular seaside area with foreign and domestic tourists, Ochheuteal Beach, will be completely overhauled and redesigned beginning in 2008, top municipal and tourism officials said on August 3.

Judging by renderings obtained by the Post, the new Ochheuteal area is one of sidewalks, car parks and concrete palm-lined promenades – a far cry from the laid-back, populist playground that exists today.

And finally, the airport expansion and upgrade has been given the go-ahead and it is slated to be the largest airport in Cambodia. And all along, we were worried about the Pattaya Trash!

GONE

You PPTV subscribers no longer need be so jealous of us CCTV subscribers. Sometime over the last couple of days we lost our HBO and Cinemax, which have replaced with the Hallmark Channel and TrueSport 3. Just what we needed - another 24-hour soccer channel.

FALSE ALARM. Our beloved "premium" channels have reappeared and we are no longer subjected to Hallmark and TS3. What was that all about?



STACKED

Pronunciation: \stakt\
Function: adjective
of a woman : having large breasts

Sorry kids…not referring to THAT definition. Let’s try again:

Function: verb
transitive verb
1 b: to pile in or on

Now that we know what it means, let’s see what it looks like:




We’ll at least according to Flavour’s in Phnom Penh. A couple of torn up slices of ham with one on the top does not quite “stack” up to Khmerican’s definition of stacked, but for $4.25, what does one expect? (A hell of a lot more!!!).


WHO’S AFRAID OF THE EXPAT?

Seems that your average stiu no longer is.

Been a tough couple of weeks for some of Cambodia’s expat population.

Two weeks ago, at about midnight on a Tuesday night, the PG PowerRanger was heading along Monivong from the big M to WA, with his little tart in tow. He heard a distinct smack from the back of the bike and turned to see several motos with two-astride Khmer boys there. It seems that they had swatted his girl’s arse. When he looked forward, there were another couple of bikes along side of him forcing him off of the road. Afetr a bit of a chase, he finally make his way to the front of WA and the pricks pull right up with him. One yama-head goes off insisting that the PGPR had hit his bike, although there was no sign of any damage. He makes a couple of weak attempts at getting violent, even after the PGPR is joined by a few of PP’s bigger expats. After a lot of lifting of phones to the ear with the “I’m going to call my guy” threat, the expats walk inside and the stius take off. But a little concerned that these pricks would be so brazen.

Then a few nights later, the PG Gynecologist had his locked 250cc, which was parked directly in front of his humble abode door, stolen from behind a locked gate. Granted there was a small walk-though portion of the gate that was not locked – but was very difficult to fit this size of a bike through – and it was between midnight and 2:00a.m. on a Friday night, but it still happened in a usually secure area with a bike that is almost never parked outside.

Straps were tied through the padlock holes of his door and the neighbor’s door in case they were awakened and attempted to get out and apprehend the f@ckers.

Inquiries to the dozen+ moto-dops parked outside got no responses, even with a $150 payout to anyone who could tell of the whereabouts of the bike. And a trip to the police station around the corner got one copper up, but the other said to come back the next day. Thanks guys.

By the way, Khmers have said that the way to deal with a situation like this in the future is to go to the local police and tell them that you will pay half of the bike’s value for its return…but this must be done soon after the loss as the bike is shipped out of town shortly after the theft.

Last week saw two other barangs roughed up in attempts to steal their rented motos in Snookey. Neither targets are small men, but CD is actually a large individual that you might think local punks would avoid. Apparently they were armed with sticks and other weapons and got a few licks in before getting away with the moto.

The other brave new target was able to fend off his attackers, and it is said that the police had to get him off of one of the guys that he was beating on. No bike loss for this chap.

Finally, not Khmer related, our own local Dick Weber responded to a knock on his door on Thursday night by receiving a knock on his noggin. Seems another expat was looking for someone else and head-butted then attacked Weber. Word is that the attacker was packing a couple of blades, although they were never used. Police eventually showed up and perp was hauled off to the Monkey House, were he is rumored to remain at this time. Further rumor says that perp and victim were later locked in a room together – you know, let’s just see what happens if – and perp profusely apologized to Weber. Last rumor is the perp was well perked up on something.

The more things change in Cambodia, the more they remain the same.

Oh shit, almost forgot the best of the rest. Don’t recall which day it was but the Fat Cat got himself 86-d and banned from Walkabout. Not an easy task, but he was up to it. Apparently thrown out a few times, he still wanted to have a go of it with the security guard before Drama Queen stepped in and saved his hide. (Why didn’t you leave him alone boy?)

The Connoisseur then proceeded to drive down to CA2 where, after weebling and wobbling and moaning and groaning for a bit, he sat down and polished off a “mates” curry. Then spent the next few moments spitting part of it back up before sprawling himself out across the sofa. CA2J had to come out and nearly dump him on to the ground before he perched himself upright again. By this time, a tough-gutted Aussie and Brit had already departed due to this nasty sight, and oddly enough the Drunken Mechanic and the Finnish Frankenstein became the voices of reason in trying to get the bloke to shape up. Eventually, he was enough to even run them off.

Word was he later made his way to a brave new world…wonder how he’d like it if aome of us Barged in on his place with this kind of f%cked up attitude.

Rumor also is that he got a brave new ass kicking a few weeks before for similar actions.

And I thought his problem was with all us Yanks and us just not understanding the British sense of humor.


DA BEACH


Did just get back from another nice holiday in Sihanoukville. As I have said, things are a changing down there.

Construction is going on at the burned down market and most vendors appear to have moved to the newer market behind there.

The guy next to me on the beach claimed to have had his camera stolen on Sunday so nice to know that the jows are still hard at work there.

Snake Pit had one hot dancer and several could-not-be-bothered-to-do-anthing-other-than-get-you-your-drink girls hanging out. The beer bar complex sure looks nice but not too much going on there. Pacino’s, back in the back does have 6 or 7 chickies in there, and even a couple that the Khmerican would not have minded having a little roll with, if it weren’t for the V-girl by my side and the $10 bar fine.

Freedom still has it’s assortment of girls, some looking rather haggard, but again, a couple that this boy wouldn’t have kicked out too quickly.

Reports are of not much quality at Outback, but steady and reliable service up on the mountain.

A ride by the Frog bars on the Hill seemed a bit busy, but I have never cared much for the scene there.

Finally, biggest disappointment of the trip was the much-anticipated, always-loved, Corner Bar pizza. Price was up a bit – no problem as it’s always been a bargain – but the quality of the one pizza that I had had gone way down. I used to love the pizza for the loads of cheese that was on it, but this time it was no different from any unhappy pizza from any of the happy pizza – short on the cheese and a thin and crisp crust. Bad enough that I did not return for another go, as I usually do, so maybe it was a one-off.

But I DID have a delicious Pizza Company pizza last night. I know, I know…but I did not order it. V-girl wanted it and I made her do the calling. But damn it was good!

ONE OF THE BEST

You've seen them. The f*cked up instructions on various items written by Asians that just don't make any sense.

We'll, I think that I have found my favorite. I was sitting down enjoying my dinner the other day when I happened to take notice of a hot water heater that we have had for about a year.

Not sure why it didn't catch my eye before, but it does at just about every meal now.

Have a better one?

Plunger Goes South of the Border

Got a report in from Plunger:

"So is it still fucking cold? I've had enough of the...[Mexican Nationals.] Let them do their own fucking plumbing work! Why so agitated...? Here's my grudge:

The Press and rep Cambodia gets is so undeserving nowadays. If you heard about the cops singling out Westerners working over there and robbing them- AT GUNPOINT - you might say, "Of course, it's Cambodia...[That kind of shit goes on there.]"

So maybe I'm new here, but I didn't expect that shit [when I was] going to work in the USA's... [developing nation] neighbor. No, not Canada. The other one: MEXICO

But at least it's warm!"
__________________________________

Damn. Sometimes it's not safe to leave the bubble. Hang loose and hope we see you soon -

D. Bong

Lost Road to Kirirom

Simple enough idea. Hollywood and I decided to try an unproven line south from the town of Choam down to the hilltop resort of Kirirom. Word of a route existed, basically shrouded in legend and supported only by a squiggly dotted line snaking its way south on the ancient topo map and a vague handwaving from a couple locals.

Here come da fuzz
Norodom and Russian Boulevard. Hollywood and I stopped for the light and a few seconds later the fuzz slowly ambled over eyeballing my bike. Shit... Walking right past hollywood on his mirrorless, old-plated Baja he settled on me, pointing his baton at my chest. The little monkey wasn't accepting my protests that I didn't do anything, but my bike doesn't have a proper registration and I was afraid he would hit me with the $600 touch if he was in a mood to be a greedy little prick. I wasn't in the mood. After agreeing to pull over I started manouvering my scoot towards the curb looking for an opening in the wall of cops. When the main fuzz turned his back slightly I cracked it. The little fucker was surprised and tried to manhandle me and the bike to a stop but he was no match for the mighty torque of the Djebel.

Steeps
Had a good but chilly first night out with the manditory flat of crown but sadly, no whiskey or dope. Awoke the following morning to a chilly and windy day, perfect for a little recce on foot and the ride down south. I called bullshit when Hollywood felt the trail we were on was familiar. It was sustained, very rough and STEEP! The kind of riding where if you stop, you slide back down, fast. I made it to the flat spot near the top of the widowmaker and realized we HAD been there before. I waited for quite awhile. Unknown to me, Hollywood had a little mishap. He stalled on the climb accidentally switching into neutral, then after losing his front tire he began careening down the slope, backwards! Unable to spare a foot for the rear brake or shifter things got rapidly worse until his only option was a Casey Jones. Flying backwards off the bike and sliding headfirst on his back he managed to avoid the big stones with his head but ripped up his clothes, boots and bike pretty good.

I walked partway down and was happy to see he wasn't seriously hurt and his bike, with not much more than a mashed up footpeg, was basically fine too. Lucky bastard. Getting busted up in there would be a bitch.

A few hundred meters more and we topped out on a promising ridge which became our second campsite. The horror, we had no beer, no whiskey, no dope, and down to a can of tuna and another small can of spam for breakfast. Exhaustion took over and we were asleep at 8:30 dreaming of hamburgers, intoxicants and girlies, occasionally interrupted by forays into the woods to stoke the dwindling fire.

The next morning our dreams of Kirirom were dashed when the 2.6 km ride merely led to the top of a logging trail with no option in sight. Oh well, back to the big smoke.

Mechanics
The trip was looking in the bag when Hollywood had a flat in a Kompong Speu 'burb. We were lucky, the tire fix-it guy was directly on the other side of the road. Not only did he fix the tire, he replaced Hollywood's lost brake pad and his trashed rear wheel bearings with brand new sealed units. Final bill? 18 grand all in (not counting the roadside pops)! Incredible.

Anyway, nice to be back stuffing our faces with turkey and getting gooned at 4 in the morning again. A good christmas afterall!

Kampong Cham for the fuck of it

Thursday morning in the Walkabout working on getting it on with the one bar girl willing to talk to me when I received an unexpected offer: "Come to Kampang Cham to meet my girls' family."

He sweetened the pot, "It'll be fun.....it's festival time.....chicks'll be digging the only foreigner in 100 miles...I'll pay." Who could resist? We hit taxi central at 4am.

The rest is a long dull story. I spent the day sleepless and hungover - being stared at by a pack of neighborhood children. They huddled before me; they muttered conspiratorially. I kept an eye on my boots. I came back alive.

I made it back at 5pm Thursday. The sisters met me at the door like a couple angry aunts, "Go WHERE?! I worry too much!! I go everywhere!! Here food.Now NO good! (And the implied, "No, you won't be getting back that $5 I borrowed from your wallet Monday...")

Maybe there was genuine worry. My family.

Monday Night Travels

9 pm: We decided to talk business - sober this time. Plans were made. Ideas kicked around. Prices quoted. Good meeting. Then we noticed the White chick across the street undressing in front of a window. Nice ass. A good omen.

10:45 pm: We decided to celebrate with a quick one in the neighborhood. One drink and home to dinner and a good book....or maybe internet porn. We decided on My Lien on Street 278. This is NGO Land, so the bar has a steady stream of aid agency people (the kind with money), contractors, and embassy staffers. A good place for a quiet drink and flirtatious conversation before they go home to the wife and kids.

The girls fit the standard My Lien profile: young, cute, savvy, and unbeatable at Connect 4. They quickly pegged me as the type of guy who would never buy them a new Honda CRV, so I was able to skip the agonizing bar hostess interrogation:

"Hello... What's your name? Where you from? You come holiday? You have my wife...?"

I'm rambling. Let me sum it up. I FUCKING HATE hostess bars but My Lien is all right. The mama-san is cool, and if she knows you, she'll run a tab. They have a dart board and vodkas are only $1. Kicks ass.

12:30am: Our "quick drink" turned to 3 quick drinks. Mama-san was ready to close, so we headed down 278 to Equinox, a French-owned place next to the Golden Gate. I knew 2 things about this place - it's French (read: expensive and dull) and it's "gay-friendly" (in PNH, this usually means: Fuckin' Queer) But Davis said it was cool...

It is cool. Nice layout. Great music (funk, soul, jazz-fusion...) and free internet. They incorporated the bar into a 2nd floor balcony and worked in an art gallery and clothing shop in the back. It's also smoke friendly and for that it gets 2 BIG thumbs-up. Drinks seemed to be in the $2-$3.50 range.

1:50am: We shot the shit for a while, rapped with a French dude who owns the Thai restaurant next door, and decided it was time to get laid. The Walkabout was hopping. By now I was too drunk to fuck. Unfortunately, that usually doesn't stop me from trying, but I opted for the $1 crotch massage while you drink option and settled in. The gang assembled and we got to catching up. What's the word?

• A guesthouse owner and a bar manager continue to feud. Their last blow-out involved a kitchen knife and a crowd of nervous bar patrons. No blood was spilled.
• A resident tweeker blew $700 in 3 days and came by a friend's pad at 8am demanding his stolen rice be returned. A 15 minute search of the kitchen failed to turn up any rice and the tweeker stalked off. Hasn't been seen since.
• Another German fired from an ESL job. Not pedophilia this time - just that he was coming into work stumbling drunk. Can't blame the school. It wasn't that easy to understand him when he was sober.
  

3:20 am: Time to go. There was time when only a raging idiot would be walking the streets at 3am, and I suppose it's still not all that safe. But Cambodia has come a long way, towards stability(knock on wood), and a brisk 15 minute walk is usually enough to burn off bedspins. I made it home in one piece. Another one in the books.

Mondays aren't so bad.