Java and Jackalopes

California 2 needs to open soon, so people like me who wake up at 4pm on a Sunday have someplace to go for a good, cheap, bottomless cup of coffee. Should have walked over to La Gourmandise Blue behind Lucky Market, but I spaced on the idea.*

Prepped to the gills and hopped on a moto.

Huxley:
Good place. Good coffee. Today - bar full of people I didn't know - listening to music I don't like. Upstairs - full of people I don't know - watching a soccer game. Dang. One and out. ($1.75, I think) Noted: They now have some UK newspapers on the rack for your perusal via that operation that gets the feed by satellite and prints them out.

No idea where to go...

Lone Star:
Say one thing about the place - they have a decent, bottomless cup of coffee on hand for the weary (and the stoned.) They also have an arcade-style golf game near the entrance. Not sure how much a round will run you, but people seemed to be enjoying it. ChiBrick, Walker, and Gregg hanging out, yapping:

• Africans: Is the clothes shop next door a front? Or just some misunderstood small businessmen having a go at the market like the rest of us? The lack of store traffic doesn't seem to bother them much.

• ChiBrick back from Pattaya, the land of the naked dancer who appears from nowhere to write things using a marker wedged inside her for 100 baht, or so. Your name? Your company? Your school? ChiBrick, pretty quick. Asked for,"STAY IN SCHOOL." Nice.
  

Something for the kids.

• Walker at the bar. Tales of wine, women, and warts: Displaying them to an amazed crowd at a friend's wedding...Burning them off with a painful acid solution. (Took them out in a hurry - along with 3 layers of skin.) I gotta hang out with Walker more often. It's always good.
  

• American flag-inspired thong hanging from the antlers of a jackalope mounted above the bar. Good look.
  

KFC:
Compliments to the Colonel. Ordered a 5 pc ($5.50) Asked for all legs if they could swing it. They could, but I'd have to wait 5 or 10 mins. Cool. Out of nowhere, they hit me with a Coke, gratis. Saying, "Sorry for the wait." Nice. Wouldn't get that at Van's or Malis or Metro - but yeah - KFC. Right on, Colonel.

And a disturbing text message from Dregde, tonight: Martini's put red lights in the disco.....Terrible.

It ain't broke. Don't fix it.

*Dude may be running an Al-Queida front, but man - good java and very good baked goods.

Making The BIG Time

Another Crowded Holiday List Alarms Businesses

THE CAMBODIA DAILY

November 18, 2008

The government released a list of 25 public holidays for the 2009 calendar year, renewing the debate over tradition versus labor productivity.

The 25 holidays spread from International New Year's Day on Jan 1 to International Human Rights Day on Dec 10, and the month of May alone counts six days off, according to a government sub-decree signed by Prime Minister Hun Sen on Oct 20.

"For my factory, which has 2,000 workers, I lose about $6,000 to $7,000 per day during public holidays," said Kong Sang, deputy chairman of the Garment Manufacturers Association in Cambodia and owner of Evergreen Apparel Co Ltd.

Holidays lower production and complicate business because banks close, Kong Sang said. Cambodia has many more holidays than other countries, and they are clustered in the spring and fall, when garment factories receive most of their international orders, he added.

GMAC raised the issue with the government but did not receive a satisfactory answer, he said.

International investors are shocked by the number of public holidays when they arrive here, but they make do with Cambodia's calendar, said [Mr. Big], ...manager at [the preeminent staffing company in Cambodia], who handles human resources for companies trying to establish themselves in Cambodia.

"I've never seen anyone go running for the border once they realize they have to give their workers some time off," [Mr. Big] said, adding that Cambodians still have less time off than some European workers.

A very [Mr. Big]-like statement for those that know him.

New Year Vibe

Cocksucking bathroom door at California 2 sprang out and smacked me in the head. Solid. It left a knot on my brow. At least the kitchen staff were there to see it happen. They laughed their asses off. But hey, I'm happy to spread some joy. It's New Year's time.

Khmer New Year (Un-Officially Begins):
You learn to take everything Cambodians tell you with a grain of salt. (It'll be 3/4-truth at best.) But when Cambodians say they love Khmer New Year, you can believe it. From the hungriest glue-sniffing street kids to the White-skin Generals in their Lexus SUVs, they dig Khmer New Year. And I can dig it, too. Dancing, games, and impromptu street parties - there's a good vibe in the street.

Of course:

Khmer New Year is framed by National Robbery Festival. A magical time of year when Khmers come together and steal each other's shit, so they have a few bucks to take home to the village. Whitey beware. And if you're tooling around on a brand new Honda Wave or Dream, you might just end up on the side of the road with a bullet in your head. Those of you that bought a new scooter for your girl* - tell her to leave it at home for the next few weeks...

California 2 Guesthouse:
Rooms available. The end to the tourist season? Reports from the bars say, yes. The end of tourist season - Another magical time of year. When the girls who've been blowing you off for the past 6 months suddenly remember your name.

Is Cali 2 an earlybird version of The Angry Muppet - without the smoke. Weird, wonderful shit:

• Bored? The wheelchair-bound quadruple-amputee duo have been giving exhibition "boxing" matches. Watching 2 grunting men with no arms and no legs ram into each other and flop around on the ground like dying fish is a base form of entertainment. But it is worth a 1000r tip. They're making $. Look for more of this.
  
• Job hunting? Jobs aplenty in Prudhoe Bay, Alaska. Big $ for those willing to do the work.
• Khmer New Year= big-$ cockfights. Ask a moto where. Blood, feathers, and loi.
  
• Steamed-corn vendor working the river is a win. Vodka ($1) and corn on the cob (1000r) - a Phnom Penh brunch. Get it while it's in season.
  
• Reports say the average age at the Charley houses in Sihanoukville is getting lower to cater to the growing number of German Pattaya trash. Anyone seen it?
  
• More from the beach: Package tours from Sweden. Short-eyed Germans. Drunk Russians. Pattaya-trash invasion's begun. Bad news. Build the wall. Note to Thai government: Stop fucking up.
  

Sharky Bar:
Wednesday's go-cart races were fun. Although some of the carts ended the day in pieces, no one was hurt and the 5 teams that actually showed up to race had a great time.

• Chicken & dumpling soup ($3) getting good reviews.
• Landmine Len in town for a bit before heading off to Central America. Doing business in Nicaragua vs. Cambodia? Nicaragua wants the stuff out of the ground. No bullshit.
• Transiting through BKK on your way here? You still gotta pay an airport fee (700 baht?)
• Cheers to security for not letting anyone rip off the bag I left down there for 3 days. Didn't think they would but...you never know.
  
• April 1st commune elections. They need expat election observers. Interested? Check into it. Unpaid but...how can you say no to an election held on April Fool's Day.
  
• Plunger notes: Every time he finds himself in a mini-mart in New Orleans, he gets to see some drunk-ass black dude yelling at the Viet owner. EVERY-TIME. Weird. But not as weird as re-learning what it takes to get laid back in the Land of the Free. Enough to send you back here on the first available flight. Even if it was an Aeroflot flight...
  

SE Asia Magazine:
They want $4 for something someone did at their PC by stealing photos off the web and cutting and pasting dated stories from various magazines and web articles. I'd rather jerk-off with sandpaper than pay $4 for a copy of this magazine.** Interesting to see if anyone actually does buy it. Slick printing and very professional - these guys have done this before - but you'd be better off paying nothing for a Bayon Pearnik or even an AsiaLife.

Pocket Guide Door-to-Door:
Yet another manifestation of the Pocket Guide. This one includes delivery menus from local restaurants. Although some pages were put in upside down, it looks good - and it's a good idea. They'll probably get more menus for the next issue. Seems like a good vehicle for restaurants to offer coupons or "Pocket Guide Specials." (ie. Free onion rings for baked bloggers.)

Gotta boogie. Happy Monday




(*And she hasn't pawned it yet)
(**Not true)

The Inner Tycoon

Once in a while I think about getting my inner-tycoon on. But how? Gems are mined out. Forests are damn near gone and exportable endangered animals are getting harder and harder to find. I could open a bar-clothing shop, but....that seems like kind of a dumb-ass thing to do. Stumped. I looked to KKrom. She had much to say. I understood nothing. She rambled on forever and wouldn't stop. I looked to the Internet. The Japanese had the answer.

It may be a challenge to find a good ice cream sundae or a safe blood transfusion, but when it comes to nose pickers, I'm surrounded by Vikings. I have access to talent that could make me the Scorcese of nose-picking dvds. Between that and the amount of used, worn out underwear readily available for export, I 'll have enough money to open my own Bubble-Tea Shop in no time. I'll be partying on yachts with twin midgets....I decided to celebrate this lightening bolt of inspiration with a night on the town.





California 2 Guesthouse:
Pretty busy. Khao San Rd showed up in force, drawn by the neon* whiteboard announcing .75 Beer Lao. They talked about sandals, vegan diets, and American Cultural Imperialism (in the form of antiperspirant-deodorant.) But, whatever, they were having fun and so was I. FatTRRY and an unknown at the bar yelling about which one had more money...or maybe it was who had less money. Then they started in on who knew more about money..or maybe it was who knew less. Either way, I had nothing heavy to throw at them, and it was nearing 11pm. Two down and off to Sharky Bar.

Sharky Bar:
Decent crowd. Good vibe. Go-cart race postponed for a week. No one seemed to mind. The sexy sister looking good in a red dress. Distracting. But KKrom has been camped out at my pad, so I concentrated on the $ booze. A sumo-sized Finn chased an agile waitress behind the bar. She ducked under the bar-gate like a jackrabbit. Quick. Nimble. He thought about following and...stopped dead and walked away. Wish he'd have given it a try. Visions of Winnie the Pooh stuck in a honey pot. Loaded up on some (kick-ass) popcorn ($1) downed a couple more and caught a buzz courtesy of HuGrnt. Time to go. 1-something AM. Drunker than I thought but...what the hell:

Bar 104:
Good tunes. Dark. Chill crowd. Lot of women. SITChris ruled the Foosball table. Don't let the receding hairline fool you. (Just kidding buddy.) Vodka ($2). We sat outside and talked about the chances for a new late night place on Street 51. Bar 51 not making the cut. Tweaker working there too unpredictable. Martin left his grilled beef unattended. ChillPaul pounced like a croc on a bloated floater. I joined in reluctantly.** Good shit. Gets it somewhere near Wat Phnom. Past 2am. Foosball champ had to work at 8am - thinking, to W or not to W? He talked it over (with himself) as he headed to his bike. Time to go. But first....

The Angry Muppet:
Kind of empty inside. Wanted to settle a tab. FatTrry at the bar listing a bit. AngryMPT looking worried. He knew what was coming. Paid. Home. Sleep.

30 mins later an SMS Report: FatTrry puked all over the bar-top. Bar staff up in arms. Funny as hell. Didn't smell so good, though.

Another Wednesday.

Anyway, Kkrom just gored me with a toenail. I'm off to treat the gash on my kneecap with some soap and water, so...

Happy Friday T'Y'All.


(*there is no neon whiteboard)
(**maybe it was me who pounced and he was the one who was reluctant...)

Where Is There Life in Asia?

Or perhaps I should ask, "Where is Asia Life?"

Yes, Phnom Penh's slickest free mag managed to skip February all together. A slight on Black History Month? Conspiracists wonder...

But I'm thinking they just fucked up. While I'll manage a month without Asia Life Magaizine and still be happy, I can think of one group that won't. Advertisers. How many will be pulling their high-priced ads? We may have to wait 'til April or May to find out.

Along those lines:
Another contender enters the ring to take a piece of Phnom Penh's (apparently) hot English-language media market. Not sure what it'll be called, but expect a slickly printed guide to the Capital's beautiful people. Photos of the NGO/Embassy crowd playing croquet at Northridge, getting down at the Salt Lounge and Gasolina, and handing out oversized novelty checks to shoeless orphans. What would you pay for something like this?* Reportedly, $4 a copy.

Good luck.

Anise:
Walking down Street 278 on my way to....nowhere in particular when I heard the distinctive sound of acoustic guitar accompanied by an accordion. Suddenly, I had to piss. I walked in, hit the head, and settled at an outdoor table. Anise - tastefully decorated hotel/restaurant with an upscale tourist/NGO crowd. Alternative couples holding hands, anxious tourists clutching their hemp-fiber bags, tables of middle-aged travelers with plump wives downing bottles of wine, and the accordionist's bored-looking girlfriend. And me.

Smiling waiter asked what I wanted. Vodka-Tonic. (On the menu: $2.50) He came back 5 mins later with a menu and asked what kind of vodka. I pointed at the menu and said, "Whatever, man." He decided, "Smirnoff." Fine. Another 5 mins. He's got a can of tonic ($1.20) and a thimble of vodka ($2.50). Fuck Me.

And FUCK ANISE!!! $3.70 for a weak vodka-tonic.
DIRTY MUTHER- FUCKING BASTARDS!

Anyway, I hope the irony of a 200r tip wasn't lost on them. Fuckers..... But hey, shit like that happens, and I shouldn't complain since:

Mellow Kiwi ESL teacher taking the same walk down the street he'd taken hundreds of times. As usual the sidewalk's a parking lot and you need to do the Phnom Penh Cross & Weave: Around the SUV, onto the street, dodge the durian vendor, back onto the sidewalk, and THUD!! Nailed by a Camry going the wrong way down a one-way street.

The crowd made a getaway impossible, so Camry-punks loaded wounded Whitey into the backseat, shot over to a well-regarded clinic, dumped him at reception and GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. The security professional at the gate never got the car's details, but it probably didn't have tags and besides he was busy with...this crazy zit that just wouldn't pop.....

Good thing the Kiwi had insurance. Long story short: Stay in Cambodia - the leg's coming off above the ankle. Get to Bangkok - hope the reconstruction goes well. Another reason to have travel insurance. He did, evac-ed to TH, and kept the leg.

Welcome to March.

(*To read -not burn.)

It's at Western Union

As for the weekend - nothing new. Made the usual rounds, drank myself silly, had lots of good sex, and not one of the girls ripped me off......Dig it.

The Question:
The question on many people's mind? Why is Homeland Security helping the Cambodian anti-traifficking cops shake down Western-owned businesses? They all know damn well nothing is going on. Is that what the tax dollars are for? I thought taxes were for blowing the shit out of Iraqi insurgents....and I'm down with that. BUT - making it harder to do business in a country that's a pain in the ass to do business in anyway...?

Is it because HSA are too pussy to go after the real thing? Check out the brothels on 63 near Sihanouk and watch the 60-something Koreans and Japanese dripping with women of a.... questionable age. (Maybe it has something to do with the Mercedes with the army plates that's always parked outside.)

To quote a famous basketball player, " I ain't sayin'...I'm just sayin'....."

Sharky Bar:
Seems a little busier but thankfully, there's not yet an explosion of holiday-season tourists or a tidal wave of Thai-expats looking for a new place to settle. There are, however, a lot of women chilling at the bar.

Anyway,.......Dredge filled you in on the bracing the American deadbeat got the other night. It went well. No one badly hurt and by the end he was begging to pay:

CAjim: Where's my money muther-fucker!!
Deadbeat: I...I
Bong: POP
CAJim: You run out on a bill with ME! Fuck YOU
Deadbeat: I...
Bong: POP
CAjim: Smack
Deadbeat: I have it. I got the money,....
CAjim: Where? Where's my fucking money!?
Deadbeat: At Western Union....
Bong: Smack
CAjim: POP
Deadbeat: No...we'll go to the Naga NOW. I'll get it....

....and it went on like that until the managers came and broke it up.

Women rip us off all the time. I've come to live with it - What can you do? Concentrate on prevention, I suppose. But if a dude does it....well then, he bears the brunt of anger for 4 years worth of stolen phones, cameras, CDs, cash,.....

Don't feel bad for this guy. He's been doing it all over town for a long time and it finally caught up with him. I like to think we made a statement, but in the end, I doubt he learned anything.

Martini Bar and Disco:
Might as well rename it Congo Charley's. 15 African dudes sharing a bottle of water and chasing women off the dance floor, or spiking their drinks so they can take them home and run a train. Sharky Bar dealt with it. What's Martini's problem? I really like the Big M, but if this keeps up....My Lien's Olympic Stadium area disco may have a window of opportunity.

On a sad note:

DiverTX made a bee-line to the airport today. Had to be back in TX ASAP to be there for a dying relative. We may be 1/2 a planet away, and there are a lot of excuses not to get home for a dying loved one but he's straight up, and it was the only thing to do. So TX - our sympathies are with you. Do what you need to do - take care of the family, get back to work, and get your ass back here in another month or 2.

More condolences: To Mythicaldude - His dad passed away. He wrote a very moving eulogy/obit on his site. Sorry to hear it. Sounds like he was a wonderful man.

NGOs Fucking up the program:

Sharky Bar:
Setting up a meeting Wednesday at Sharky Bar seemed like a good bet since it's $1 spirits night. Some people insist that the FCC or the Elephant Bar are the only real places to get things done. I spit in their quiche.

5 drinks in me and we got down to it. Good meeting. I even managed to take legible notes, and when it was over - there was plenty of eye-candy to groove on.... All in all, a good festive atmosphere....Thanksgiving a day early.

Sometimes we talk business:

"I saw a crowded market, and said, ME TOO!!"

• As a new full color ad supported magazine gets ready to hit town, people in the biz question the wisdom of spending a ton of cash in a limited market with relatively high printing costs. The 144 page intro issue is generous but how long can you keep that up? Start at 144 pages and you'll need to stay there or readers will think your going down the tubes. In the end, how much is there to write about living here? (I tell you everything you need to know anyway) More importantly - can they sell that many high-priced ads? Do they have the pockets to employ the writers and photogs to keep it worth reading?? This ain't Saigon (pop. 14 million with a large VN middle class and more expats with more money) but....I wish them all the best.
• Heard the last person to try this kind of thing may have lost as much as $50K on the project, and we all know The Cambodian Scene is mostly shit, and last time I looked, they wanted $3 for a copy. (!!!??)

Why is it such a hassle to get a decent magazine or paper going here?

NGOs Fucking up the program:

• Why is the publishing industry shit here? Blame NGO money for stunting the free-market in the publishing industry here. The Cambodia Daily gets all sorts of funding from supporters who do it for charity. Full page Kikoman soy sauce ads?? $98+ 1/4 page ads?? Staff that's paid fuck all...I'd like to see their books...NGO my ass. Rumor: The full color printing press they received as a donation from Japan has never been used on the paper. Maybe they've been pimping it out to printing houses?? How's a for-profit business going to compete with that?
  
• Phnom Penh Post just got handed some cash to keep them in business. Since the articles are basically shit and the ad sales a joke....it makes sense that their main business strategy involves bending over and begging for aid cash....oh, and putting on airs- as if they were the New York Times of Cambodia.
  

I'm not Larry Kudlow but:
Corruption and NGO interference in free market growth will keep this country light years behind it's neighbors to the east and west and it's a real fucking shame. When charity gets in the way of people trying to make an honest buck and develop an industry that is fundamental to democracy and economic growth, it just ain't right.

No more holidays...please....

Thankfully the holidays are over. (For now.) 3 days of drinking straight vodka on an empty stomach ended Sunday the same way it began - drinking vodka on an empty stomach. At least I managed to get laid. Charlie Don't Surf. But she'll suck you dry.

Sunday's excuse not to stay in: a birthday for 2 of the waitresses at California 2. Luckily Ubercon was there to fill in the gaps. (There are many.)

California 2 Guesthouse:
I got there around 6:30 and it was PACKED. Mainly with done-up KhChicks and drunk off their ass Khmer dudes. Note: for a room full of drunken Khmer kids, they were pretty well behaved and, as far as I know, when it was over, nothing was missing from the bar.

I mainly remember being squashed up against the bar all night. Didn't phase me. A testament to the honest drinks they serve. As Uber wrote, the girls were hotties, but being Shanghai Bar alumni, they were pretty aloof - better that way. I got no CRV for you baby. Don't even have gas money to fill the one you already own. Nice eye candy though.

The party was kickin'. Good grooves and good company. Why a free party for the staff?

• Jim takes care of his staff.

• Parties draw in a new crop of girls. Note to management: I'll take Hun Sen Park cuties over anything from Shanghai any day. Maybe for my birthday.....
  

• The next time his staff hassles, he can pull the party out as an example of his good faith. (Well played.)

I can't remember shit (sorry.) However:

• 2 (semi-cute) Long Island girls talking about where they went to college. (Damn, leave that shit in the Hamptons.)
• The Mad Pundit behaving himself. No popped veins. No angry outbursts.
• Getting whacked about the arm and chest by a mad & shoeless musician.
• A monstrously large (but kind of cute) White girl stepping on my foot. Crunch.
  
• Good business advice from AAAadam. Word. Cambodia is prime if you got the right idea.
  
• Security for your ultra-light (flying lawn chair) will run $10/day per cop up-country. You get 2 hard provincial cops with AKs and an M-79. Seems kind of steep.

By 11 people were shuffling out. Shoeless musician made his way for the door, and I decided to move on. Damn near a liter of vodka in me and I wasn't into going home. The party headed over to Gold Star Bar. I followed anyway.

Gold Star Bar:
Popular with middle-class Khmer kids and the chicks who work on the riverfront. It can get crazy packed in there but I figured that Sunday night would be pretty mellow. Wrong. These kids don't work. It was pretty full, but they have a big space and a good DJ. A local disco - the dance floor was full of Khmer dudes dancing with each other. (Sucks to live in a country where almost everyone's daughter is locked up by 9pm. Well, it doesn't suck for me, but....)

Not Martini, but a nice change of pace. (Vodka - $2.50 for a shot and a half) Positive note: No toilet gnome to hassle you at the urinal. (Who decided it was a good idea to get a massage while taking a piss? Who likes that? Bad idea. Bad.)

Work at 9:40am was much on my mind and I made it out by 12:30am. Not bad.

The Russian Speaks

Independence Day was Thursday, so Wednesday should have been a big night out for everyone. It wasn't.

Sharky Bar (11pm-2am):
Dead. It was DiverTX's birthday, and I can't remember much except that the women were gone by the time we got there. Fine. Saved some money. We settled down and started shootin' the shit. Can't remember much.

• Chill Larry painted Nancy Pelosi's mansion when he was contractor in SF. Husband's a developer. Loaded.
• The head of security at the Casa Hotel's casino says they catch about 140 cheaters per month. (!!) I guess they aren't yet that sophisticated and are sort of easy to get.
• Thinking about WiMax? The service is getting good reports. CDNlee reports, "You get what you pay for." A ringing endorsement when it comes to net connections in Cambodia. (ps:thanks for the drink.)
  
• Good video available of the Water Festival brawl in front of Pon Luk Restaurant. 20 or so raging (90lb) Khmers. Reviews say: Tom and Jerry meets bad kung-fu movie.
  

After too much booze, etc....we did a birthday round of kamikaze shots and headed to Martini in a slow tuk-tuk.

Martini Bar: (2am-3am)
Disco was dead. The bar was mostly dead. The best part was the accident we saw on the way. Drunk-ass dude with a pile-on rider bombing down Moniving swerved to avoid an imaginary deer and slammed into the divider. They skidded hard - sparks and all - for 200+ feet. The passenger managed to get up, but the driver was down for the count. More sobriety and less speed would have saved them a world of hurt.

Like I said - the place was dead by 2am. DJ started playing slow songs at 2:20....I made my way to the outside bar and was lucky enough to meet a tweaked-out Russian trumpet player. He looks like a methed-up cupie-doll and was recently featured in a Cambodia Daily article.

The Story: Member of British royal family* throws insane Russian's laptop into Boeungkok Lake.
The Brit: "...I did it because he's nuts."
Russian: "...I demand $50,000 in compensation for the lost intellectual property stored on the laptop."
The Cops: "They are both mischievous....The Englishman is difficult..... The Soviet is also difficult."

The (very drunk and tweaking) Russian explained his position: Because he is a highly respected trumpet player in Russia, the Russian Embassy and a number of wealthy Russian NGOs (the city is crawling with them) contracted him to compose trumpet anthems and ad jingles. The contracts were worth thousands of dollars and he couldn't possibly recreate the music from memory. Great trumpet anthems are creatures of the moment.

Besides, a girl broke his trumpet in 2...for no reason at all. He also received several beatings from various people and plans to pursue justice in a Cambodian court. The voices in his head say he has a case.

He's willing to settle for as low as $20K. The police contacted him with an offer of $50. Insulting. He's preparing documents and depositions from witnesses in Moscow - none of whom have been to Cambodia. Not important. What's important is that he feels good about the future. I told him I didn't have a dollar to give him for a moto and backed away slowly.

You've heard his side of it. To Howies.

Howies Bar (3am-5am):
Apparently FatTerry was plying FatLensman with booze all night. FatLensman was pinballing around the room, banging on the bar, and singing and dancing. Howie needs to put pepper-spray on the menu. I settled in. Met up with a fellow American...I call him, Annoying MutherFucker, and true to form, he annoyed the shit out of me. I also vaguely remember:

• Refusing to buy FatLensmen more drinks or beef jerky and constantly telling him (politely) to, "Go away..." He did. He's ok like that.
• Refusing to allow FatLensmen to invest in my snake company. I don't have one. He didn't believe me.
• Yelling at a Frenchman to, "Stop looking at me!" He wasn't. He was eyeing the dude next to me.
• Vowing to go home and ending up at the Walkabout.

Walkabout (5:30-7:ish):
$2 chicken nuggets won out over sex. Maybe I am just a bit older and wiser.

Happy Independence Day.

(*44th in line to the GB Royal Crown)

My Lien Closing....

My Lien has sold her business and will be taking some time off to go to Europe. The owner of Phnom Kiev (Sihn'k Blvd/St. 63) seems to think the location will work as an upscale restaurant. Personally, I'd rather have a dart board and a bar full of Viet cuties, than another over-priced French restaurant, but....what do I know? Anyway, tonight will be her "closing" party. If you are in the neighborhood, check it out. Free food and beer.

Thursday was Independence Day in Cambodia. Mobitel decided to celebrate by fucking up my SMS service. Cocksuckers. Although, yesterday they gave me 15 free SMS messages. Today they decided to take them away. Cocksuckers.

Stupidity in the Air

Crocodile JunKee:
Everyone's favorite (White) beggar scored a free meal the other day from a riverside restaurant. How he got served, I'll never know. Nor will I know why the staff believed him when he said he'd be,"..back in 5 minutes..." Score. Ah well, if he's busy scamming free meals then he's not busy burning down houses (4, so far, because the walls told him to.)


Paragon Cambodia:
The Paragon is over on Street 214 behind the Royal Palace - something you wouldn't know if you'd read the ad announcing the grand opening. Anyway, my bro and I toked up and headed over to PNH's newest upscale shopping destination - they have escalators - to see what the big deal was. What I remember:

• Back Canyon Coffee: Menu looked good ($2-$3 for most dishes) Basic cup of coffee was $1.50 per cup. Fuck that.
• Dragon Suki: A make your own soup place - like M&K in Thailand; decent selection of Thai and Chinese dishes ($2-$3); good dim sum (.75-.95) Free iced tea. A win.
• Aika (?) Japanese Restaurant: Special shout out to this place: Tasted like ass. And not good ass. Maybe the worst Japanese food in the history of Japanese food. But at least the booming Khmer and Chinese pop music sucked.
  
• Paragon Super Market: Prices and selection similar to Lucky. Diet Pepsi but no diet coke..bizarre.
  

Mini-Mart Mania

U-Mart:
A new mini-mart is open for business. You'll find it in that brothel/game center section on 63 Street near Sihanouk Blvd (Psar Thmei side of the blvd.) A welcome addition to the BBQ pork stands, video slot centers, brothels, and the all night phone shop. Now you can lose a few bucks gambling, score some durian flavored "Love Rubbers", get laid, eat, and sell that phone you just lifted off the drunk tourist at the Heart - all at 2am. WIN!

All I wanted was a diet coke. Bastards didn't have it. But they did have (as I recall):

• Schwepps Ginger Ale: .58
• Reg. Sodas: .28
• Large Bottle of Johnny Walker Red: $13.5?
• Small bottle Johnny Walker Red: $5.5?
  
• Large Bottle of Wrestler Wine (red): .65
• Condoms: .70
• Instant noodles: .14
• Most candy: .54
• No rolling papers.

Now you know.

Reading is Fun-Duh-Mental

Bong's Phnom Penh Bookstore Guide:

Life here isn't all booze, women, and, etc..Some of us actually read. Everyone has their go-to places. Here are mine:

Bohr's Books:
From the riverside: Go down the alley behind the California 2 Guesthouse and you'll find it. Roughly across from the Sugar Shack Bar. Prices range from $2 .50 - $4.00 for used or "locally published" paperbacks and softcovers. His stuff is in pretty good condition, and, unlike some others, he's good about taking trade-ins (avg $1.50/book) Bohr is a cool dude, so bring him some business. Great selection.

Cambodiana Hotel:
Surprise. Surprise. The bookstore at the Cambodiana has a decent selection of new paperbacks for $2-$4. PS: The bakery is 40% off after 6pm. Although, why they can't just make it 50% off is beyond me. Is 10% worth the extra math you need to do??!! Fuck it; their doughnuts and pastries are pretty damn good.

Panassastra University Library:
The main campus on Norodom has one of the best (English language) libraries in town, and it's open to the public. Check out the American Corner for a good selection of magazines and books. It's air-con, too. At one time anyone could pay 2000r/yr to join the library w/ full borrowing privileges. This may not be the case any longer, but if you've got nothing better to do, bake out, and spend an hour or 2 checking out the magazines in air-conditioned comfort.

California 2 Guesthouse:
Like many places around town, this guesthouse has a decent selection of paperbacks that are available on a "give one - take one " basis.

Another surprise:
The girls (who can read) really dig Khmer language pulp-fiction (romance, adventure, horror..) Want to be hero for an hour or 2? Get her something to read. Books usually go for about .50 - $2. Cheaper than a cell phone, and when you give a girl a book, you give her face. (Good karma for you!)

Inaugural Post

Why not blog? I bet there are thousands out there like me. I hated my job although it paid well. I left it. Moved to a 3rd world capital and now lead the life of a lechorous, sometimes drunken, and often broke ESL teacher in Phnom Penh. Cheap vodka, good smoke, dirty sex, strange illnesses, random death, insane expats, rip-offs, corruption, poverty, landgrabbing, injustice, true justice, blood diamonds, black money scams, shady North Koreans, and some of the coolest, most wonderful people in the world, .... It's an X-rated comic book, and if my camera hadn't been stolen I 'd post photos....

Anyway, I'm recovering from $1 spirits night at Sharky's. $1 night usually ends with a Walkabout sunrise and a brisk stumble home around 5am Thursday. Thankfully, today I was able to make it to work on time (at the crack of 5:30pm.) I'm waiting for a call from 2 Koreans who may be interested in opening a garmet factory here. I'm thinking they already know China or Vietnam would be a better bet, but business is a good excuse to come here. And maybe they'll get something going, and maybe I can help them out and make some money. But probably not. Their visits do give me a chance to hit the full-on karaoke bars. The Koreans love them, and once in a while they can be fun.

Right then...gotta bone up on my Hank Williams.