Priceless?

Gas for the bike: 4900R/liter

Asahi/Anchor: $15-$16/case

Rice: $40/50kg (up from $25 last month)

Cooking gas: $27-$35/15kg (up from $18 last month)

Living in Cambodia: PRICEY!!!

For everything else, there's:

What the hell is going on?!?!

Sure, property prices are way up but the local rice farmer is not buying property.

A local restaurateur says that the beer distributors have not increased their prices but try getting an $11 case of Anchor in Phnom Penh – they still were available in Sihanoukville as of a couple of weeks ago.

Today’s Daily, said that “gas importers…expressed surprise that retail prices had reached such heights given the prices they were charging distributors.”

By the way, in the same article a spokesman for Total said that they just recently raised their price from $18 to $21. So if you need cooking gas, it appears that Total is the place to go (or at least it was before the article was published).

Also in today’s Daily, HS claimed that Cambodia has a rice surplus and blamed anti-government elements for economic sabotage (not blaming the barang this time?). He also denied that he was planning to set rice prices at 5000R/kg (I had previously heard 4000R and that he was aiming for $2 a liter gas).

So who’s making all of the money here? And how the hell is Joe Khmer going to survive? Oh yeah, simply steal a few more motorbikes (Did you see last week that Infinity Insurance had to issue a public apology for running an advert saying that 40 bikes are stolen each day in PP? The PP Police Chief came out and said that only 3 motos were stolen in February, and that’s down from the 10 stolen in January! Amazing what comes out of the mouths of babes!).

Soon enough I might have to shut my piehole to those of you that I have been accusing of paying too much for your furpie…yesterday’s price might be tomorrow's bargain!

Not Really Worth The Wait

KRUSTY THE CLOWN

Know him? Well, the Khmer version seems to be an organization, not a person.

What’s up with The Pizza Company???

The last several times that I have ordered from them, I have been informed that the Pan crust is not available – only the Crisp crust. OK on occasion, but part of the reason that I have considered this the best pizza in Cambodia is the crust.

A couple of weeks ago, the whole crust crap came to a head. My menu shows two types of crusts – Pan and Crisp. So when I placed the order for my pizza and the monkey asks what type of crust would like, I am excited! They must have Pan crust! I then tell him Pan crust and he tells me, “Sorry sir, Pan crust finished".

I want to get a bit of pleasure out of this whole thing and I ask him what kind of crust I can have. “Crisp crust OK Sir?” I ask him what my options are and he does not understand. I tell him that if there is no Pan crust then I can only have Crisp crust. “Sorry sir, no have Pan crust,” and it all begins over again (guess he wanted to have some fun as well).

Finally I tell him that I’ll take the Crisp crust. Long pause and, “Sorry sir, no have Crisp crust.” WTF??? So I ask him if what I am hearing is that I can order a pizza as long as I do not want the crust. No answer – he does not understand. I try to tell him that since they have no Pan crust and no Crisp crust, I can only have pizza without crust. He then starts the whole thing over again explaining to me that they no have Pan or Crisp crust.

Stop it already!!!!

I will NEVER order pizza from The Pizza Company again! Only Pizza World and Chez Dim - if you have not already, give them a shot.

On the subject of great pizzas, I certainly hope that nothing changes if and when CornerBar Mark unloads the Corner Bar and his pies. Always makes that ride down that much better knowing that you'll be treated to one of those delights.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS

If you’re a nappy-headed, pony-tailed, dick-smokin, wirey Brit with something up your ass, don’t start bitchin to the Khmerican and PNik (also a Brit) at the BigM about your American boss, who happens to be a friend of the two, then insist that PNik is Broken Dave (the only similarity there is that they are both rather vertically challenged), then wander off to YourLien where PNik is enjoying the rest of the evening with SAndy and DonBong, and start spouting off about what shite Yanks are and just as much so, the Brits that hang with them, because you’re gonna get your ass kicked…BY THE BRIT…TWICE!!!

You twat!

All that’s left for us to do is relay your remarks to your always-too-happy-to-kick-some-ass, oversized boss and you’ll be out of a job and the rest of your hair and teeth.

HOLIDAY REVISITED

(Twenty-five official holidays this year in Cambodia, so those of you that get paid for them - enjoy!)

Yeah, we're long beyond them but some kudos need to go out.

Anyway, Fat Boy and Taco were quite busy. Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas boat cruise dinner, and Christmas eve dinner. Just how many Turkeys this country handle?

Well, an excellent job done each time and an extra credit goes to Taco for ensuring that the boys working at CA2 didn’t miss out.

The Christmas boat cruise was a great time – thank you Adam and other sponsors – with several revelers not ready to get off of the boat after a 5+ hour tour. Usually 3 hours is more than enough. Khmerican rarely partakes of the herb, but he chose to this time. He knew it had done its job when he was looking at the local families fishing from their boats/huts on the river and thought that really is the way that life was supposed to be lived – maybe that’s the real reason that he is in Cambodia. Of course, a clearer(or not) mind prevailed the next day and I am still in the relative luxury of my secure flat.

Speaking of the fishing boats, I must say that I am quite disappointed in the arm of the KCKid as I believe that my Grandmother, who died at the age of 94 more than 7 years ago, has a better arm than he does. You really should be ashamed of yourself!

Not to say that big man AAAC’s arm was any better. For that big of a boy, I certainly hope he makes up for it elsewhere!

Still on the holidays, I did make it down to the coast for the new year. As usual, was not ready to return to PP, but just had to. It was a blast and makes me wonder why I ever bothered with Bokor when that was going off.

An absolute barrage of fireworks on Ocheteul from at least 9:30 on.

And speaking again of the beach, is it just horny old me or are the girls at the beach looking better? Upon first visit in 2000, EVERY chickie wore full gear into the water – jeans, shirt, iron-clad bra, etc. Now, there’s so many more shorts cruising around, not to mention the bathing suits.

Having a bite before heading back to PP, Khmerican was drooling over all of the little brown-eyed girls wandering around in their sexy attire. No mistaking the place for the Big P across the border, but I like the way things are going.

And Rosie is back after an almost fatal accident last year. She's no longer on the hill but is now in the Christmas Bungalows just down from Golden Lions circle towards the Golden Sands Hotel, I believe it is called.

If you haven't been there before, you'll get great portions of tasty food for a very nice price. And if you've got a V in tow with you, even better as she'll fix up some nice Viet food for her.

Welcome back Rosie!

Last thing about the holidays - Khmerican was thinking that he was a bit lucky this year as V-girl did not return to the Delta for Tet. Lucky because it saved him some money. But then again, it's usually the one time a year that the Khmerican can enjoy some freedom. So how lucky was I. What would you be willing to pay for a week of F-R-E-E-D-O-M???

unLUCKY

About a week ago I rolled by Lucky Market on Sihanouk to pay a special visit to the little Blue Spot. When I came down, the place was relatively empty (it WAS 7:30 a.m.) so I decided that now was a good time to sign up for the unLucky Membership Reward card. You see, although I despise these things, the little Viet that lives with me keeps telling me about all of the great things that we are missing out on. Spend $20 and you get something like a $2 voucher for Lucky Burger – wooh-hoo!

So I go to the counter and announce that I would like to sign up for a card.

“You have receipt, sir?”

“No, no have receipt.”

“Oooo, I’m sorry sir.”

“Do I need receipt?”

“Yes sir. I’m sorry sir.”

“But I just want to sign up for a card…fill out application.”

“Oooo, sorry sir. You need receipt”

“So there’s no way for me to sign up for a card without a receipt?”

Pause…"Sorry sir. Cannot.”

The Viet wants the card, she can go get it herself.

Happy &@#$&% Holidays!

SKINT
It’s what you become when you have a girlfriend in Cambodia. So learn from my experience and just DON’T DO IT!!!

Where the hell were we?

Karma
Do you believe in it? I usually do, but with the way things are going for me lately (I THINK I’m a good guy), where is my good karma???

When I last wrote, I told you about the girl getting hit by little-big-man. Well, who knows what has become of him, and who really cares?

But the girlie that he hit has had a bit of luck since then. That whole ordeal happened on a Sunday night. The following Tuesday, she won the grand prize at the WA pool tournament – a nice little $25 bar tab.

Things didn’t end there. Three nights later, she makes her weekly pilgrimage to the WA Joker Draw. You guessed it, her number is drawn and bang…she turns the Joker! $1,500+ in cold hard cash (well, US Dollars, but they are still worth something in this country). She is kind enough to throw an after party party – after the WA “$500” party – and buys a bottle of Vodka, Whiskey, OJ, several cans of Red Bull, a few beers, and several plates of food. All in, a pay back to those that stuck around of $130. Nice gesture (are you reading this you Welsh prick that won $8,000+ and shouted not one frickin thing?!?!).

Not finished yet, after trying to decide what to do with such a windfall (buys jewelry, buys gold, sells gold..), she decides to buy a moto for $950. Moto is already registered and has plates so she plays the plate number on the lottery and wins another $70!

Finally, next Tuesday she’s the winner of the losers at WA and gets another $15 bar tab.

Cute side on this, boyfriend (on the advice of DQDTJ) tells her that his mother’s buffalo died and could she buy her a new one. Without much hesitation, girl asks, “How much is buffalo is USA?”

Only real loser here is the boyfriend, who is wondering why all he got out of the deal was a measly few beers, and within 2 weeks, she had her hand out again for what-ever-the-fuck her relatives (or local boyfriend) “needed” it for! I told you, DON’T DO IT!

Bon Om Tuk
I believe a good time was had by all – well, with the exception of the 5 water-logged Singaporeans. Just how do supposedly skilled rowers drown in a river like the Tonle Sap? Not like it is a raging river. And over 24 hours later, the bodies hadn’t even been dragged as far as the Mekong – they were still in the Tonle Sap near the FCC and the Cambodiana.

Worse yet was the Khmer that apparently drowned. Only know of this from the one-small-paragraph mention in the Daily that said that they pulled him out near the Cambodiana with a couple of Singaporeans. Guess locals really don’t matter

And is it my imagination of are the province girls HOT these days?!?!?! Note to self, get the hell out of PP a bit more!

Lockdown!

Heee’s Baaack!

Time to lockdown your young (but of-age) chickies, as the Mighty PG Power Ranger has returned from his visit to the ‘rents in Blandcaster. No little hottie is safe, so keep your eye (and hands) on your favorite(s), or he’ll be sure to snatch them from you!

By the way, his first night back in town was spent defacing PG coverboys and then promptly passing out on his bed, doors (and drawers?) wide open! Obviously does not take much to out-do Blandcaster.

Welcome back Power Ranger.

Job wanted

Want a (new) job, better paying work, or an even-more successful business? Apparently all you have to do is contribute to this blog. Several contributors have had just that happen, and we can only assume that’s why they never fucking post anymore

Holiday season is here and everyone’s got their shit going on. 12 Beers of Christmas is right around the corner…or is it? And are they going across the river or aren’t they. Changes daily so keep your ears open!

Sharky birthday dinner on the 21st. Still hoping there’ll be a repeat of the party like the one 2 year’s ago, but chances seem slim. Who in attendance has stopped talking about that one?

Rumor of a boat cruise this weekend, but I guess that I am out of the loop, so tell me all about it.

And it looks like the annual pilgrimage out of town for a new years celebration is on hold for the Khmerican this year. That in addition to the rest of these functions. “What’s up with that” you ask. Because I am SKINT!!! My money flows down the river towards Vietnam faster than any Southeast Asian does!

DON’T DO IT!!!

Merry Fucking Christmas...go ahead and celebrate...it’s not just about JC anymore!!!

The Admiral Speaks

Yo Bong,

I couldn't agree more with you about the attitudes of Shanghai girls. I never knew a whore with an attitude until I went there; quite ironic. Someone really should hire me to put those girls in their place. Nothing like Khmer trash with an ego and bad taste in clothes!! I could go on for hours about some of those girls.

A typical conversation in Shanghai Bar:

Girl: Hi Handsome Man, you buy me drink, I so thirsty.

Typical Shanghai Customer: Ummm sure, of course I'd love to buy you a drink, you must work so hard.

Girl: You kind man, here my friend, buy her too OK, you so nice and handsome. I love you.

After accepting the her drinks, the original girl leaves and her ugly mooslelike friend stays, leaving the customer bewildered as to how he was so easily scammed into buying two drinks so quickly.

A typical conversation between The Admiral and a girl at Shanghai:

Admiral: Did you miss me you little twat?

Girl: Yes, big big.

Admiral: You must be thirsty for something to drink honey; it's so hot outside and busy tonight.

Girl: Yes, I so thirsty, I want drink whiskey-coke, you buy me, Ok handsome man.

Admiral: Do me a favor, get me a beer and don't expect a tip. And one more thing, I would rather buy a glue sniffer at the riverside some glue than buy you a drink becuase at least she is going to get high, and you just give kickbacks from the drink I bought to your Khmer boyfriend who will take more money from me after he robs me when I'm walking home from Walkabout at 5:00 AM.

So, I guess you know how The Admiral feels about Shanghai girls and why I am not welcome there anymore. It's ok, the girls at Hun Sen Park and Bo-ding still like me.

POSTED BY: THE ADMIRAL
_________________________________
Dig it Admiral. Work with the anger. Let it be your friend.

We rip into Shanghai Bar, but only because it sucks and the girls are bitches. However, an old / new manager is coming on board from next month, so it might get a little better.

Bitch

Today marks the start of the 3-day Water Festival. For 3 days the entire country descends on Phnom Penh for boat races , concerts, boxing matches, and all sorts of carnival style fun. And, of course - all the requisite (and much loved) sex, booze, and gambling. For barangs dumb enough not to go up- country for the weekend, the festival means:

• Streets clogged with groups of wandering villagers gawking at everything - especially foreigners.
• Impossible traffic - whether you are walking or driving. It's wall to wall people. Avoid the riverside; Sihanouk from St. 63 to the river; Sotheros...Fuck it - don't go anywhere until at least 9pm.
• Wild-eyed girls from the provinces and curious garment factory workers in town looking to have some fun and make a buck.

I was feeling dog-tired last night, but I've been fantasizing about the coeds in my classes more frequently than usual. When this happens, it's time to get laid, so DiverTX and I headed to Shark to get things started, and maybe score some fresh village cutie in town for the weekend.

Sharky Bar: (11:??pm-1:30am)
Pretty cleared out by the time we got there and not many women. But Big Chef was out for a party and there was good crowd of locals, so we started boozin' and schmoozin'. The conversation went from: Women Who Drool to Women Who Open Like a Canyon to The Wisdom of Older Viets to The Upcoming Mid-Term Elections to Hurricane Katrina to Dickhead Insurance Companies to Bathtub E* to Donating to Charity, and finally, back to Women Who Drool. I also remember:

• Word on the (alleged) young-loving CA cop who blew his brains out with a jailer's K-54 - it happened just the way the police said it did. He pulled some McGuyver-shit and used a mop handle to get the gun from under a guard's pillow, drag it to his cell, and put a round in his head.
• The American beggar is gone. Someone finally found a way to pack him up and ship him home.

3 drinks and a j, and I was kind of buzzed. If I was to get some, it would have to be soon. DiverTX and I hopped in a tuk-tuk and shot over to The Big M.

Martini's Bar and Disco: (1:30am-3am)
Not the crowd I expected - kind of slow. Hit the disco - semi-packed. Got my first of several vodkas - shout out to Buddy Holly for the drink - and found my quiet corner. Dredge was working a tall dark mama who I thought would be cool until she made a face when I sparked up. Fuck that. Smell of nature's best bother you honey? Go shake it at the FCC. But her friend was cute. I was pretty fucked up - had to make sure she was a she. After stroking her throat in search of an adam's apple...I still couldn't tell. Exasperated, she jammed my hand into her crotch. No cock. Dig it. By this time, her friends were dragging her out the door. Damn. Also:

• 2 drunk cuties working my crotch all night. Many thanks.
• The DJ fucking-up majorly. What prompted him to kill the dance floor with Rod Stewart and that,"Oh Ricky You're so Fine" song??!! It's a good thing foreigners don't carry guns anymore.
• The bar rejecting Little John's $20 bill. That bill was OK - just been through the wash.

I made a date with one of the crotch grabbers and we headed to Howie's.

Howie's Bar:
It was hoppin'. Good energy. AND - it was Howie's birthday. He was celebrating with free drinks til 5am (!!) Nice. Crotch grabber was all over me: wrapping me up and darting her tongue into my mouth, so I couldn't keep up with most of the conversations around me. What I recall:

• Recriminations of a business nature
• Charges of video-taped sex....
• Jagermeister and Black Sabbath
  
• Howie limping along on a bad leg. Another motorbike ride gone bad.

Another night at Howie's. By 5am, I was too drunk to avail myself of any more free alcohol. So we headed over to the Walkabout to pay for some. Stopped on the way at the corner bar across from Shanghai. DiverUK bought me a vodka and we rapped. Can't remember the name of the place. I'm told it's the, Yama-Hound Kiwi Who Thinks he's from South London Bar. Said yama-hound tried to charge me for a phantom drink. It didn't work. For that I say, "FUCK YOU." It may have been an honest mistake but hey - Unless you are a trucker, fisherman, taxi-girl, or biker - Yama and business don't mix.

The rest of the morning was unremarkable. Lost the dark pixie at the Walkabout** and stumbled home. I remember sending a slew of X-rated text messeges to exes and passed out hard. When I woke up around 2:30pm, I found SK had come home, taken my phone, and disappeared. Bitch. A perfect start to the Water Festival.


(*Just Say No)
(**I gave her $5 and told her I'd see her later tonight.)

Thailand 2.0?

Great. A coup. I haven't been to Thailand in a year and have no burning desire to go back. But hey, next time I have a hankering for McDonald's, shopping malls, and 1am bar closings....I'll slap myself.

Unfortunately, new changes in the Thai visa process and last night's coup may have the effect of driving hoards of whiny, Thai-based expats and tourists this way. The effects could be devastating. We've already seen a wave of shady BKK-based Africans hit town bringing with them fake drugs, fake money, and fake diamonds. What's next?

Angry old men on steroids complaining about....EVERYTHING, speaking pidgin Thai to EVERYONE (this is Cambodia fuckwit!), and bribing DJs to play a steady stream of Beatles, Air Supply, and....Meatloaf. I fear it's not long before we see packs of shirtless, mullet-wearing, beer swilling idiots stalking through Hun Sen Park.

Is this the next Pattaya? Is Paradise Lost? I fucking hope not.

Village idiot rides again

A quiet Saturday night....was what I had planned. I went out anyway. First stop was Sharky to meet up with some friends. Got there and one had already almost singlehandedly downed a bottle of vodka. We finished the last of the booze and started talking business. He liked my ideas - had some of his own. Intelligent discourse followed....for about 2 minutes. Then the show started.

Entertainment provided by, "The Village Idiot." Yes, the Pride of the Canadian Maritimes is back at it. Tonight it was a tantrum at the pool table over some minor point of play. It began when he grabbed the cue ball and refused to hand it over. It ended when his head was slammed against the pool table by a large, fed-up bar manager. Said bar manager then marched village idiot off - arm twisted behind his back - and demanded he pay and leave. And so the village idiot was led out of yet another bar by yet another set of security guards.

An embarrassment to White men everywhere.

Unfortunately, a group of Khmer visitors, who had been having a great time, were disturbed by the scene and left. What can I say that hasn't already been said? He knows better.

If there is one bright spot, it's this: Bad examples like him are worth more than a thousand good ones. So members of the community: Check yourself.