Constitution Day

StarWorld and CNN cured me of the notion that I'd be able to stay in Wednesday night. I blame them. Besides, Thursday a holiday, and it's bad karma to waste a "Bonus Friday night." So,...out the door.

Sharky Bar:
Stopped in to meet a friend. He pulled a no-show but no harm done. Decent crowd for a weeknight. Jim and Andy keeping things moving. I got to work on finding a Personal Assistant for a trip up north. SisterSly looking good. Haven't seen her in a while. Thing is - she's sly. But tres sexy in black. Ordered her a beer. She sat down next to me and we did the overlapping leg-thing.

• LoneStar back in town. 6 weeks in a TX oil field enough for now. So - check out the Lone Star Bar (near the Flamingos Hotel) if you want to say hello.We hit the balcony and talked about...nothing that I can remember. That's the problem with balcony talk.
• LA Educator also in town - taking a break from the "classrooms"of South Central Los Angeles. So - how is the education system doing under the "No Child Left Behind" policy? The question set him to drinking. It sucks to care. 10th graders reading at a 4th grade level. Can't be bothered to learn their own language, but they can find time to score $200 basketball shoes. LA....Maybe we can have another war with Mexico. This time the loser gets LA and its Dick & Jane-reading 10th graders.
  
• ChillGandhi showed up with 5 cuties from some hostess bar and a Very LARGE, Very DRUNK Kiwi who was having trouble stabilizing. They took a table on the stage to try and keep him away from the crowd at the bar. Good thinking. And a bonus for the community: he got up to take a piss, stepped off the stage and dropped face-first to the floor with a THUD. Judges score - 9.0. (His routine contained all the elements I look for....I applaud his effort.)
• RadioDave and the Turk blew in from out of nowhere. Didn't even know they were in town. Laid a 4GB flash with some kick-ass (and very hard to find over here) soul, funk, and Fat Possum blues. A thousand thanks bro.
  

We shot the shit for a while. SlySister downed another beer and told me to stay put. She had to run out and get something from her room. (Or something like that...) OK. Fine. "You stay here. I come back." I'll be here. "SURE?" Yeah, cool. LegSister2 sidled-up and schooled me. Some tourist made a deal with her while I was on the balcony. She was going to blow out early on an LT with him and come back and score me for round 2. Sly Sister, Sly.

It happens...and cheers to LegSister2 for cluing me in. They don't usually do that. Worth a whiskey-coke (or 2).

Publisher headed to Bunny Bar and scored a super star. A tall, athletic-looking Sophie's alum - that place was an academy. BRING IT BACK!* CoolPaul and I talked wedding plans (his.) Hey man, let us know when you want the bachelor party - or would you prefer a wake? To Zep.

Zeppelin:
Outside table. Rats playing rugby with the trash pile. Talking about shit. A California coke dealer who pleaded for his life standing in a trash compactor. (He came up with the money.) US tax laws....and yeah, people still talking about Crash (the one who drove into the Walkabout ) Some say she ponied up $25K to make it go away. The papers say she's still inside waiting to go to court. No idea who's right. Don't really care.

LadyBoy snared a drunk dude** at Heart. SALE!! He made his way down 51, trophy in-hand, flashing grins to the street gallery - chicks, moto-dudes, expats...Have to say, I was rooting for him. Alas - drunk dude decides he wants to have a quick "one for the road"at Walk.

DOH!!

LadyBoy can't let that happen. His cover will be blown. He went into a CodeRed - arm pulling, tearful pleas, begging him to just get back to the hotel. As soon as the dude entered Walk, LadyBoy knew the sale was lost. Crestfallen, he sulked away - to the Heart. "....Try and try again..."

SexyBeast walked up from the shadows, sat on my lap (damn near crushing a nut.) She made me an offer I couldn't refuse. But the night wasn't over for everyone...

Walkabout 5:45am (or so...):
Two douchebags at the bar arguing over a woman. GO BACK TO PATTAYA. Skinhead Brit and Irishman head-to-head, angry words. A light bulb above the Irishman's head lit up. He grabbed a heavy Angkor mug and smashed it straight into the skinhead's ...skin head. BLOOD splatter and pandemonium.

They took it into the street - rolling around on the pavement while keystone cops whacked at them with underpowered tazers (ZERO effect.) Irish dude had the presence of mind to keep the mug with him and as the cops tried to break-up this EMBARRASSMENT TO WHITE MEN EVERYWHERE - a flailing arm smacked one of them in the face. Now the cop's bleeding like a stuck pig; swinging a tazer that doesn't work...He went for his gun, fumbled it and dropped it on the ground. Perfect.

Seemed the sad situation couldn't get any sadder, when some fat-ass bald Brit jumped in. And no. He didn't know any of the combatants - just wanted show the world what a dick he is.

Mission accomplished.

Cops started slamming him with those shit tasers and he's laughing his ass off, "This is lovely, do it again!"(So maybe that's his thing...)

A Happy Ending:
15 mins or so later - the two brawlers had taken off home. Girls in the bar wiped the blood splatter off themselves in the bathroom and FatBaldDouche was the one they hauled off to jail. Happy Constitution Day, pal.

And if I had grand kids, I might tell them something like this.

"See that guy? DON'T BE THAT GUY."

* If only for the ambiance.
** Or maybe he was just acting drunk