It's All About the Size

King's Birthday and a term-break at the university mean that, once again, I have too much time on my hands. My mind wanders. And shit happens and sometimes I get to see it.

Sharky Bar:
12:40am and the kitchen. Group of Khmer chicks come in - they look like lock-downs*. Car keys, stylish purses,...buying Baily's and glasses of wine. One orders fried rice. Order placed. Word from the kitchen staff: "It's 20 mins to close. I'm not making fried rice for some girl..." That was the message as it was conveyed. 20 mins is a bit early to close up....Formidable floor manager not interested in having a showdown with the kitchen matron and her praetorian guard. She gets mellowUK to deal. He does.

"WHY NO FRIED RICE!?!"

Explanation:
They were out of rice. The staff didn't want to whip up a new batch with 20 mins 'til close. They had noodles. Can she do with noodles?

Right. An explanation that made sense. And a solution to the problem. Why wasn't it communicated that way in the first place? The important thing is - it's not my problem.

Lots of new faces in town just in time for the low season. Dig that. Lots of returnees also - the good kind. Where do they go? To give birth? To dry out? To wait for the HIV meds to kick-in? One said they camped out in Sihanoukville for the high season. Whatever. They're alive and kicking. Nice backdrop for the banter. What I can pull-up:

• Cambodian porn. Seen it in the market and always wondered. Now I know. Shot on a cell phone - 2 VCs and 4 Khmers go into a hotel room. Laughs, giggles,...someone holds up a towel - for privacy- and we get about 15 mins of people disappearing behind a towel. Cambodian porn - it's all about the size - of the towel.

• Lake Ebola, Cambodia - A pool of 6-10 Nigerians congregated near the front (free) pool table. But hey, they don't cause trouble, some of them buy drinks...They laugh, tell stories, and sometimes they whoop and holler and dance around the table chanting something. Trying to induce rain? Celebrating a nice shot? Or maybe just gearing up for one of those magic moments when they tie one of their friends up, bash his head in, and drop him in the river.
  
• Good fried rice. But look out for the 1.50 surcharge if you want shrimp. I think my girl got about 5 shrimp - hardly enough for me to pick at while she wasn't looking.
  
• Grey Goose vodka available - good stuff ($50/bottle)
• Beware a woman scorned - especially if it wasn't you who did the scorning. You might find yourself cornered into playing Oprah for an endless drunken, teary bitch-session. If you're lucky you get 2 in one night.
  
• Street 104 - booze - cars - motos - a police general - an arrogant Auzzpat in a Lexus SUV. SMASH. General comes down in a krama to see the remains of his front-end. Asks the (possibly drunken) Auzzpat, "What the...?? You'll need to fix this damage..." Auzzpat looks at the krama-clad Khmer and promptly tells him to piss off. Well done. Now he won't need to fix the damage. He'll be busy buying the general a new car. (Maybe one with running lights, a spoiler, and California license plates...)
• Kicking around an open mic night. Live music usually a win. Anyone interested in laying it down? Let it be known.
  

Howies Bar:
Need to re-assess my late-night habits: some very nice girls working there but some overfed shrews as well - all led by a pernicious little man selling $2 vodka. Going here after the Big M is like waiting in line for fast food. Do you really need a hassle to indulge in something that isn't really good for you? It was an excuse to hang out a little more at the end of the night but things change. Time to start going home after Martinis - or at least skip straight to Walkabout.

Walkabout:
3am. Wall to wall company. The low season indeed. Or perhaps it's always that way. Usually I don't get there 'til past 5am. Beware the $2 noodle soup. Tasty but as far a drunken stomach is concerned...you're better off with the ($2) chicken nuggets. Damn fine. And you might get to see:

• An angry (ex) bar girl nail 2 teachers with the same bottle. It was all in the follow-through. Ron Guidry'd be proud. Stitches: $20 for about 10 at Calmette. Anesthetic not included.
• Angry bar owner getting some exercise - waiving a bar stool at security as he weaved his way out the bar. Pretty athletic, and he had his reasons. (I guess.) It only took a few flashes from the electric baton to get him out the bar and into a tuk-tuk.
  
• They seem to have a new manager - Khmer dude with a head on his shoulders and an ear for livelier music. Right-on.
  

A weak post, I know but - cut a brother some slack....I've been on sabbatical (great word.) In the meanwhile, check this out. Made me smile.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/tsgtv/index.html?id=Site9&link=TSGTVshlk



(*they have foreign husbands and/or boyfriends)