Not Really Worth The Wait

KRUSTY THE CLOWN

Know him? Well, the Khmer version seems to be an organization, not a person.

What’s up with The Pizza Company???

The last several times that I have ordered from them, I have been informed that the Pan crust is not available – only the Crisp crust. OK on occasion, but part of the reason that I have considered this the best pizza in Cambodia is the crust.

A couple of weeks ago, the whole crust crap came to a head. My menu shows two types of crusts – Pan and Crisp. So when I placed the order for my pizza and the monkey asks what type of crust would like, I am excited! They must have Pan crust! I then tell him Pan crust and he tells me, “Sorry sir, Pan crust finished".

I want to get a bit of pleasure out of this whole thing and I ask him what kind of crust I can have. “Crisp crust OK Sir?” I ask him what my options are and he does not understand. I tell him that if there is no Pan crust then I can only have Crisp crust. “Sorry sir, no have Pan crust,” and it all begins over again (guess he wanted to have some fun as well).

Finally I tell him that I’ll take the Crisp crust. Long pause and, “Sorry sir, no have Crisp crust.” WTF??? So I ask him if what I am hearing is that I can order a pizza as long as I do not want the crust. No answer – he does not understand. I try to tell him that since they have no Pan crust and no Crisp crust, I can only have pizza without crust. He then starts the whole thing over again explaining to me that they no have Pan or Crisp crust.

Stop it already!!!!

I will NEVER order pizza from The Pizza Company again! Only Pizza World and Chez Dim - if you have not already, give them a shot.

On the subject of great pizzas, I certainly hope that nothing changes if and when CornerBar Mark unloads the Corner Bar and his pies. Always makes that ride down that much better knowing that you'll be treated to one of those delights.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS

If you’re a nappy-headed, pony-tailed, dick-smokin, wirey Brit with something up your ass, don’t start bitchin to the Khmerican and PNik (also a Brit) at the BigM about your American boss, who happens to be a friend of the two, then insist that PNik is Broken Dave (the only similarity there is that they are both rather vertically challenged), then wander off to YourLien where PNik is enjoying the rest of the evening with SAndy and DonBong, and start spouting off about what shite Yanks are and just as much so, the Brits that hang with them, because you’re gonna get your ass kicked…BY THE BRIT…TWICE!!!

You twat!

All that’s left for us to do is relay your remarks to your always-too-happy-to-kick-some-ass, oversized boss and you’ll be out of a job and the rest of your hair and teeth.

HOLIDAY REVISITED

(Twenty-five official holidays this year in Cambodia, so those of you that get paid for them - enjoy!)

Yeah, we're long beyond them but some kudos need to go out.

Anyway, Fat Boy and Taco were quite busy. Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas boat cruise dinner, and Christmas eve dinner. Just how many Turkeys this country handle?

Well, an excellent job done each time and an extra credit goes to Taco for ensuring that the boys working at CA2 didn’t miss out.

The Christmas boat cruise was a great time – thank you Adam and other sponsors – with several revelers not ready to get off of the boat after a 5+ hour tour. Usually 3 hours is more than enough. Khmerican rarely partakes of the herb, but he chose to this time. He knew it had done its job when he was looking at the local families fishing from their boats/huts on the river and thought that really is the way that life was supposed to be lived – maybe that’s the real reason that he is in Cambodia. Of course, a clearer(or not) mind prevailed the next day and I am still in the relative luxury of my secure flat.

Speaking of the fishing boats, I must say that I am quite disappointed in the arm of the KCKid as I believe that my Grandmother, who died at the age of 94 more than 7 years ago, has a better arm than he does. You really should be ashamed of yourself!

Not to say that big man AAAC’s arm was any better. For that big of a boy, I certainly hope he makes up for it elsewhere!

Still on the holidays, I did make it down to the coast for the new year. As usual, was not ready to return to PP, but just had to. It was a blast and makes me wonder why I ever bothered with Bokor when that was going off.

An absolute barrage of fireworks on Ocheteul from at least 9:30 on.

And speaking again of the beach, is it just horny old me or are the girls at the beach looking better? Upon first visit in 2000, EVERY chickie wore full gear into the water – jeans, shirt, iron-clad bra, etc. Now, there’s so many more shorts cruising around, not to mention the bathing suits.

Having a bite before heading back to PP, Khmerican was drooling over all of the little brown-eyed girls wandering around in their sexy attire. No mistaking the place for the Big P across the border, but I like the way things are going.

And Rosie is back after an almost fatal accident last year. She's no longer on the hill but is now in the Christmas Bungalows just down from Golden Lions circle towards the Golden Sands Hotel, I believe it is called.

If you haven't been there before, you'll get great portions of tasty food for a very nice price. And if you've got a V in tow with you, even better as she'll fix up some nice Viet food for her.

Welcome back Rosie!

Last thing about the holidays - Khmerican was thinking that he was a bit lucky this year as V-girl did not return to the Delta for Tet. Lucky because it saved him some money. But then again, it's usually the one time a year that the Khmerican can enjoy some freedom. So how lucky was I. What would you be willing to pay for a week of F-R-E-E-D-O-M???

unLUCKY

About a week ago I rolled by Lucky Market on Sihanouk to pay a special visit to the little Blue Spot. When I came down, the place was relatively empty (it WAS 7:30 a.m.) so I decided that now was a good time to sign up for the unLucky Membership Reward card. You see, although I despise these things, the little Viet that lives with me keeps telling me about all of the great things that we are missing out on. Spend $20 and you get something like a $2 voucher for Lucky Burger – wooh-hoo!

So I go to the counter and announce that I would like to sign up for a card.

“You have receipt, sir?”

“No, no have receipt.”

“Oooo, I’m sorry sir.”

“Do I need receipt?”

“Yes sir. I’m sorry sir.”

“But I just want to sign up for a card…fill out application.”

“Oooo, sorry sir. You need receipt”

“So there’s no way for me to sign up for a card without a receipt?”

Pause…"Sorry sir. Cannot.”

The Viet wants the card, she can go get it herself.

New Kid On the Chopping Block

There's a new addition to the nightime scene in the form of a young short and pudgy Khmer-Australian returnee. The angry cherub with a Napoleon complex has terrorized at least two expat bars in the past week. His escapades include intimidation, inflated claims, gross verbal insults towards the local girls, and outright threats towards anyone western or not who may interfere with his tantrums. He claims to be connected and travels with at least one bodyguard, who apparently followed him around tonites unlucky establishment apologizing for his behaviour.

So far, the western retort has been tolerance and submission, the way most of this country we love responds to dicks. But this little punk is about one more appearance away from a beating he's not had since grade school back in Oz.

If he's such a powerful guy it's a bit cryptic why he gets his squat little dumpling of a frame kicked out of every Khmer establishment he tries to pull his shit in. And to the western guy who introduced him to our few little bars away from all that privelaged bullshit... WTFuck dude? Next time take him to Manhattan ait?

Hey junior. In case you happen to come across this, listen carefully. Many places on most nights you will get away with it. But tonite you were about 2 guys away from getting your hair washed in the toilet bowl of a place where there's no way your babysitter can possibly take care of a bunch of foreigners in the middle of tourist season.

Careful out there son. For a kid who can't hold his liquor or his tongue, you're on quite a roll and inches away from sticking your finger up the wrong persons kulo. And unless I miss my guess it will probably be the real Khmer deal when you do.

NICE KIDS FROM HELL

Another in a string of nights at the big M and for the most part, it's been pretty good. Although nearly every night it seems a few Kao San Roadians decide to dance and end up claiming the entire floor sending the girls scuttling to safer harbour. Last night one of the teetotallers dropped his (empty) beer glass causing further disruption while it's cleaned up. Make a note kids, if you're going to send everyone running for cover, at least buy something. Or better yet, just go straight to Heart or Howies and leave the big M to us degenerates.

And to all you guys recently evicted from Thailand or your home countries, take note:

Wear a freaking shirt for god sake and keep it buttoned. What you have, nobody wants to see. (But Japanese whalers would LOVE to make your acquaintance)

If you wear a shirt, (especially a see through mesh with "Eminem" on the front) change it at least once a week, and ask your equally glum friend to button his up. You know who you are.

If you're over 30, bustin a move by your lonesome near the dance floor aint cool. If you're over 50, it's way not cool. Somehow if you're over 80 though, you'll rule, as long as you're wearing a shirt with sleeves and manage to not crack a hip.

BEER PRICES

For the second time in 3 months Shanghai increased the price of Asahi from $1.25 to $1:50. Thats a 50% increase in 3 months kids. Time to start investigating other options

Rose Bar's owner is opening up Pussycat Bar and Cafe on 136 street on the 16th of Feb featuring, get this, Filipina girls! Better start polishing up my english.