All I want for Xmas...

Before .............

is my two front teeth.

And that's what I have, and I've never been happier.

Mere days after healing up from, admittedly, a self inflicted biking mishap that also went poorly for riding pal H. Grant Esq., I was acquanted with what must have been one of His other commandments, probably somewhere in the teens:

"as thee ride through the valley of the shadow of death, maintain thy speed, lest bro-steo scream up from behind and smite thee"

One moment, riding peacefully down an empty Sihanouk approaching the monument, the next flying through the air before rolling to a stop and peeling my freshly skinned carcass from the pavement. Ten feet away is my ride and 20 feet more are the remnants of some faggy newer model scooter and its equally gender ambiguous passengers; one on his feet nursing a very bloody melon and the other face down, laid out like a platter of sashimi and almost as active.


......................After

Note: chicken-like hairdoos don't seem to offer much in the way of skull protection, then again there's usually not much worth protecting. (Oddly enough, somehow my hair never looked better... and that's a shame.)

The Mob assembles as I survey what's left of my skin and bike. Every piece of fresh of scar tissue is scrubbed off and then some, as well as an outstretched hand-sized patch over the left love handle. The Blue Bomber's kickstand is snapped in two and the left peg is bent 90 degrees forward under the frame. Somehow, the right one sustained a similar fate. The little bastards must have been flying.

My attention turns to The Mob who I'm shocked to learn are on my side, stating that the sheepish and bloody fuckface 10 feet away was completely at fault in their opinion. So "don't worry, but it might be a good idea to leave soon if you can" was the friendly advice offered which I immediately heeded. After pushing my fucked up ride 20 painful minutes back to the pad and another 20 of agonizing scrubbing under the shower, I rolled up in a couple fresh towels and collapsed to finish off the evening's festivities.

Bro steo and their giggly witless ilk are I guess what happens when you add a cell phone and a cheap scooter to ignorant but up-and-coming (at least over their male friends) city dwelling 20-something simians. I no longer fear RCAF plated SUV's, at least their drivers seem to have learned a few road manners and a modicum of common sense along the way. But when Jethrow and the rest of the BoengKak Hillbillies share a beer and a bag of cheap pills while out for a night on the town, take cover. I'm sure the locals will sort it out eventually, one way or another. Just wonder what that tribunal will end up costing when the final tally comes in.

Oh, and Happy upcoming New Year!

Need a resolution? Click Here

Happy &@#$&% Holidays!

SKINT
It’s what you become when you have a girlfriend in Cambodia. So learn from my experience and just DON’T DO IT!!!

Where the hell were we?

Karma
Do you believe in it? I usually do, but with the way things are going for me lately (I THINK I’m a good guy), where is my good karma???

When I last wrote, I told you about the girl getting hit by little-big-man. Well, who knows what has become of him, and who really cares?

But the girlie that he hit has had a bit of luck since then. That whole ordeal happened on a Sunday night. The following Tuesday, she won the grand prize at the WA pool tournament – a nice little $25 bar tab.

Things didn’t end there. Three nights later, she makes her weekly pilgrimage to the WA Joker Draw. You guessed it, her number is drawn and bang…she turns the Joker! $1,500+ in cold hard cash (well, US Dollars, but they are still worth something in this country). She is kind enough to throw an after party party – after the WA “$500” party – and buys a bottle of Vodka, Whiskey, OJ, several cans of Red Bull, a few beers, and several plates of food. All in, a pay back to those that stuck around of $130. Nice gesture (are you reading this you Welsh prick that won $8,000+ and shouted not one frickin thing?!?!).

Not finished yet, after trying to decide what to do with such a windfall (buys jewelry, buys gold, sells gold..), she decides to buy a moto for $950. Moto is already registered and has plates so she plays the plate number on the lottery and wins another $70!

Finally, next Tuesday she’s the winner of the losers at WA and gets another $15 bar tab.

Cute side on this, boyfriend (on the advice of DQDTJ) tells her that his mother’s buffalo died and could she buy her a new one. Without much hesitation, girl asks, “How much is buffalo is USA?”

Only real loser here is the boyfriend, who is wondering why all he got out of the deal was a measly few beers, and within 2 weeks, she had her hand out again for what-ever-the-fuck her relatives (or local boyfriend) “needed” it for! I told you, DON’T DO IT!

Bon Om Tuk
I believe a good time was had by all – well, with the exception of the 5 water-logged Singaporeans. Just how do supposedly skilled rowers drown in a river like the Tonle Sap? Not like it is a raging river. And over 24 hours later, the bodies hadn’t even been dragged as far as the Mekong – they were still in the Tonle Sap near the FCC and the Cambodiana.

Worse yet was the Khmer that apparently drowned. Only know of this from the one-small-paragraph mention in the Daily that said that they pulled him out near the Cambodiana with a couple of Singaporeans. Guess locals really don’t matter

And is it my imagination of are the province girls HOT these days?!?!?! Note to self, get the hell out of PP a bit more!

Lockdown!

Heee’s Baaack!

Time to lockdown your young (but of-age) chickies, as the Mighty PG Power Ranger has returned from his visit to the ‘rents in Blandcaster. No little hottie is safe, so keep your eye (and hands) on your favorite(s), or he’ll be sure to snatch them from you!

By the way, his first night back in town was spent defacing PG coverboys and then promptly passing out on his bed, doors (and drawers?) wide open! Obviously does not take much to out-do Blandcaster.

Welcome back Power Ranger.

Job wanted

Want a (new) job, better paying work, or an even-more successful business? Apparently all you have to do is contribute to this blog. Several contributors have had just that happen, and we can only assume that’s why they never fucking post anymore

Holiday season is here and everyone’s got their shit going on. 12 Beers of Christmas is right around the corner…or is it? And are they going across the river or aren’t they. Changes daily so keep your ears open!

Sharky birthday dinner on the 21st. Still hoping there’ll be a repeat of the party like the one 2 year’s ago, but chances seem slim. Who in attendance has stopped talking about that one?

Rumor of a boat cruise this weekend, but I guess that I am out of the loop, so tell me all about it.

And it looks like the annual pilgrimage out of town for a new years celebration is on hold for the Khmerican this year. That in addition to the rest of these functions. “What’s up with that” you ask. Because I am SKINT!!! My money flows down the river towards Vietnam faster than any Southeast Asian does!

DON’T DO IT!!!

Merry Fucking Christmas...go ahead and celebrate...it’s not just about JC anymore!!!