Notorious New Year

7-12 explosions in Bangkok......Parties cancelled. Saw an Arab parking a moto near the Pink Elephant. Got the fuck outta there.

I ain't sayin'....I'm just sayin'...Hey, Maybe it was the Basques.


2006 went fast. Streets are full of Khmers out for the Honky New Year. Dig a country with 3 New Years celebrations - all celebrated with gusto.

Notorious BIG and black coffee getting me in the mood. It's working. Rolling up, and getting ready for a night out. Try to make a mellow entry into 2007.

Wish me luck.

What's on? How the fuck do I know? I go to the same places every night. But:

• Cambodiana Hotel's having a massive fireworks display from midnight. Biggest KH has ever seen but beware - the crowd down that way will be a bitch. I'm avoiding it like the plague.
  
• Sharky Bar's New Year Party on for tonight. By now, the free snack buffet is gone but you can get there for the champale toast.

Recently:

Walkabout:
Got there around 5am. Packed. Lots of action. I was on my own cloud, and couldn't manage but a few simple phrases in gibberish, but there was plenty of to keep my mind occupied. The Machine on the prowl. Dig it. She's looking for a 3. Not the good kind. 2 dudes. Damn. I'm not cosmopolitan that way. But power to whomever....

Also:

CoolKevin - The quiet manager had a bike accident a little while back. Small cut. Not a problem. Until....Couple weeks later it's still there. Oozing. Angry. To AMA for a check-up. ($15/visit)
The 411: Gangrenous! Leg needs to come off ASAP. So far in, he couldn't risk a flight to OZ. Infection travelling fast. Get it before it gets to the organs.

Get better soon, man.

The lesson? You just read it.

California 2 Guesthouse:
California 2 was hopping all day. Closing by 10pm. Even hoteliers need to party. For that matter, I do too.

Off to Sharky Bar and then....Whatever, I got 2 Zantacs and 1/3 of a Kamagra, so I'm down for what comes my way.

More soon and....

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Score

I decided not to give in to the gut ailment that had me throwing up all last night. Didn't eat all day, and for some reason couldn't get pizza off my mind. Need something with a thick crust. Not too many choices in town. I called a newer one:

Pizza World (Free delivery for orders over $5):

• Medium Chicken Supreme ($4.50) "Pan crust"
• Garlic Bread w Cheese ($1) - Suprisingly close to what you get back home. They don't skimp on the garlic butter or cheese. Dig the price.

Verdict: Pretty damn good for $5.50 (+tip for driver)

I'm already feeling queasy, but it was worth it. Scored a new pizza delivery place.

Nigga Please!

So a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shouder. Bartender says hey, where you get that thing? Parrot says Africa, there's millions of them over there!

Walkabout... 3 a.m.
White camry pulls up and 5 chocolate faces get out and try to get into WA. Security guy heads them off at the pass. Not gonna happen. After some heated verbal exchange they get back in their camry. Car takes off but screeches to a halt in front of the WA. One of the guys leans out the window waving a pistola of some kind. Crack! It was loud but I dunno, Hollywood and the boys figured it was just a starter round.

Is this the future? Drive-bys at the WA by wayward nigerian scamsters? Bring it on. I'm sure the locals will sort it out. Tipped the security dude a buck on the way out.

Earlier... Zanzibar
Why dont I go here more often? The place is full of robo-babe pocohontos types. Tall, good looking, and serving me whiskey. Full of future ex-Mrs. Ubercons. Nice!

BadBong. Cool Christmas

I ended X-Mas Eve with a cool dread-locked Cham girl. We came home. I cooked and we promptly passed out for 24 hrs. She was coming off a pill binge and I was...my usual lazy-ass self. Win-win. I don't mind when they pass out for a day or so, but by 7 pm Monday, I was thinking, coffee and conversation. Needed to get out for a bit.

Woke her up."Is it cool if I go out for an hr or 2?" I asked. She grunted, yes. Told her I'd be home soon. Locked the door and off to the riverside.

California 2 Guesthouse:
Coffee. Newspapers. "New BKK Airport already a major fuck-up." (To paraphrase a headline.) Perfect. All is right in the world. Dave the Hat in from TH. Cool dude. Good conversation. I started with coffee. More reading. My liter bottle of vodka called. I answered. Commence X-mas boozing.

Empty stomach. Hammered in a hurry. ESL teacher from Hiroshima and his ESL-teaching wife made the mistake of sitting next to me. I decided to see how well-heeled they were. I worked in Japan for a while and there are 2 types of gaijin. They weren't my type. Threw, "Fuck," into the conversation every chance I got - to see the reaction. They winced. Game ON.

My liter bottle now less than 1/3 a liter. How? Vodka's too easy. Busted out the "N - word." They looked visibly uncomfortable. Mission accomplished. ESL teachers with airs, beware. DonBong hates you. But hey, Christmas isn't all about me being a drunken asshole.

I scored a chunk of free smoke. And....

Sharky Bar (10:30pm-ish):
Decent crowd. Admiral out with a group of Kyrgs. Blasted. He had a run at a seemingly harmless Indian-looking guy (Bad-Gandhi) who made the mistake of hitting on the Chairman. Not his fault. He didn't know. BigChef intervened. Tried to make nice. Bought drinks. Bad-Gandhi let his true light shine through....Started slagging off on Cambodians. Hard. Vulgar. Racist... Out of line. He was told to stop. He didn't. BigChef could have broken him in half. He wanted to. Chi-Sean wanted a piece. We all did. BigChef used his head. Had security haul him away. Good thinking. That's what they're for.

The next step: BigUKB had the apparatus. We hit the chunk. Good stuff. Locally made. Closing in on 2am. I was wasted. Thinking about the woman locked in my apt. I like her. She doesn't suffer fools. How pissed would she be? Was she even awake? Wanted to hit Howie's Bar, but decided to do the right thing - about 4 hours too late, but...Hopped on a moto and went looking for flowers*. Flowers save men grief. Couldn't find any. Grabbed some food and prepared for a tongue lashing -and not the good kind.

Home:
She was still sleeping off a pill binge. Out cold.

Cool Christmas.



(*Florists at the markets sometimes work through the night.)

Lost Road to Kirirom

Simple enough idea. Hollywood and I decided to try an unproven line south from the town of Choam down to the hilltop resort of Kirirom. Word of a route existed, basically shrouded in legend and supported only by a squiggly dotted line snaking its way south on the ancient topo map and a vague handwaving from a couple locals.

Here come da fuzz
Norodom and Russian Boulevard. Hollywood and I stopped for the light and a few seconds later the fuzz slowly ambled over eyeballing my bike. Shit... Walking right past hollywood on his mirrorless, old-plated Baja he settled on me, pointing his baton at my chest. The little monkey wasn't accepting my protests that I didn't do anything, but my bike doesn't have a proper registration and I was afraid he would hit me with the $600 touch if he was in a mood to be a greedy little prick. I wasn't in the mood. After agreeing to pull over I started manouvering my scoot towards the curb looking for an opening in the wall of cops. When the main fuzz turned his back slightly I cracked it. The little fucker was surprised and tried to manhandle me and the bike to a stop but he was no match for the mighty torque of the Djebel.

Steeps
Had a good but chilly first night out with the manditory flat of crown but sadly, no whiskey or dope. Awoke the following morning to a chilly and windy day, perfect for a little recce on foot and the ride down south. I called bullshit when Hollywood felt the trail we were on was familiar. It was sustained, very rough and STEEP! The kind of riding where if you stop, you slide back down, fast. I made it to the flat spot near the top of the widowmaker and realized we HAD been there before. I waited for quite awhile. Unknown to me, Hollywood had a little mishap. He stalled on the climb accidentally switching into neutral, then after losing his front tire he began careening down the slope, backwards! Unable to spare a foot for the rear brake or shifter things got rapidly worse until his only option was a Casey Jones. Flying backwards off the bike and sliding headfirst on his back he managed to avoid the big stones with his head but ripped up his clothes, boots and bike pretty good.

I walked partway down and was happy to see he wasn't seriously hurt and his bike, with not much more than a mashed up footpeg, was basically fine too. Lucky bastard. Getting busted up in there would be a bitch.

A few hundred meters more and we topped out on a promising ridge which became our second campsite. The horror, we had no beer, no whiskey, no dope, and down to a can of tuna and another small can of spam for breakfast. Exhaustion took over and we were asleep at 8:30 dreaming of hamburgers, intoxicants and girlies, occasionally interrupted by forays into the woods to stoke the dwindling fire.

The next morning our dreams of Kirirom were dashed when the 2.6 km ride merely led to the top of a logging trail with no option in sight. Oh well, back to the big smoke.

Mechanics
The trip was looking in the bag when Hollywood had a flat in a Kompong Speu 'burb. We were lucky, the tire fix-it guy was directly on the other side of the road. Not only did he fix the tire, he replaced Hollywood's lost brake pad and his trashed rear wheel bearings with brand new sealed units. Final bill? 18 grand all in (not counting the roadside pops)! Incredible.

Anyway, nice to be back stuffing our faces with turkey and getting gooned at 4 in the morning again. A good christmas afterall!

X-Mas Eve

Christmas Eve: Late start. 1am at Sharky Bar. Ended at 5.30am at Howie's Bar with a bunch of people muttering about how they really needed to go home and pass out, and in the same breath, ordering another round. Christmas. Same same...but different.

Bohr's Books:
Did my holiday shopping. Bohr gave me a good deal on a trade-in. Double what I expected. Nice start to the holidays. PS: He's got a lot more books now and a good selection of 2nd-hand dvds for $1/disc. Good deal.

California 2 Guesthouse:
Took books over to the Cali and tried to be good. I was good. Stuck with coffee. Jim had the holiday spirit- White Zombie on the stereo. Cheers to the mom and dad who wandered in with 2 youngsters, heard the loud-ass Zombie, and promptly....sat down and ordered their X-mas Eve meal. They even stayed for a 2nd round of drinks. That earned them free California 2 stickers and the endearment of everyone present. (All 2 of us.)

Sharky Bar:
Last year I got a set of tits shoved in my face at the X-Mas Eve Party. No party this year, so I chilled at home and read, rolled, and pondered whether or not to go out. The word from Dredge (12.am), "Martini a sausage fest...Don't bother." By 1, cabin fever was pulling me out the door. I hit Sharky to see what was on.

Nothing. It was late. Deserted. The word: BigChef's X-Mas EveDinner was truly kick-ass. I downed one and hit the road. Despite Dredge's earlier advice....

Martini Bar and Disco:
Or, should I call it, Congo Charley's Home for Wayward Africans? It was sort of lame. I got there around 2 and it was still hopping, except it was mainly dudes. As usual, though, the dudes started leaving around 2.15 and the chick-to-dick ratio improved. A saving grace - 3 of my favorites shaking it. They spent the night dodging amourous Nigerians and drunken Frenchmen. I spent the night smoking and watching. Frenchmen pissed-off: the girls hiding behind me, trying to get me to take them to the Heart. On Christmas Eve? No fucking way.

Frenchman 1: snares a girl, wraps her in a bear hug, and starts dry-humping her on the dance floor. Jack-ass. Fucking a girl in public... Bad form. Worse than wearing a tank-top in public. Past 3am - slow songs on the stereo. I get the hint. Howie's.

Howies Bar:
3.15am. Everyone drunk. The game was a blow-out. I started buying drinks. My girl's friends showed up. Cool. Free to go rap with the boys. The Khmer dudes from M show up. It's a party.

• New manager trying to turn things around at Shanghai Bar. An uphill battle. Wishing him luck. One problem: not enough true-blue taxi girls anymore. Just a bunch of kept mistresses.
  
• Seattle (NFL) kicked someone's ass. Play-off bound. Howie delighted.
• Ubercon digging the music at Howie's. Getting ready to make another trip report.

Past 5. Straight home. We were both hungry. Not too wasted, so....Marinated chicken in a wok - I buy it that way at Lucky ($1.35) but she thinks I make it myself. More important than faking culinary prowess - No burns.

Merry Chistmas.

Have a Happy........

From Don Bong and the crew.....

Have a Happy _______________!!!
(Fill in the blank.)

Tripping and Lube

Christmas is here and along with it, the holiday parties, dinners, roasts, and general stupidity. While the folks back home are photo-copying their asses on the company Xerox and praying for a sloppy make-out session with the office slut, we were at Sharky Bar for their 10th Anniversary Party. It was pretty good.

Sharky Bar:
I usually avoid live music. The bars get packed with people I don't know, and if the band sucks, well...Enough said. It wasn't a problem Friday night. Betty Ford and the GT Falcons laid down their brand of punk rock to a full house. I caught the last set and was nicely suprised. Check them out if you get a chance. Also remembered:

• An arm wrestling contest. Bad move. A massive Russian won. He's going back to Pattaya and telling all of his friends about the great time he had at Sharky Bar (crushing weak capitalists), and this time next year, the bar'll be full of testosterone-fueled Russians looking for trouble and arguing over their bill. These dudes seemed pretty cool, but...keep the strength contests limited to the ladies.
• On that note, shout out to Chairman Mao winning a hard-fought battle over a fun-loving Sumo. An epic battle of strength, determination, and chicks getting sweaty with each other.
  
• Grown men racing tricycles around the bar for money (well...bar tabs.) It was too much for Dredge who used a well-timed trip that sent his good friend W off the bike and sprawled out on the floor. Nicely done.
• No midgets! I heard there would be midgets. (Sorry...Little People.)
• A Midori promo complete with cheap Midori drinks, free hats & shirts, and vomit - all over the bathroom floor, sink, urinal....

All in all, it was a good party. By 2am it was time to bust a move. Martini's seemed so far.....

Howies Bar:
The regular cast and crew getting bombed and talking about the things that make a difference:

• Lube. Everyone digging Astro-glide. A classic. Gotta try it. I'm pretty happy with the Number 1 Plus packets. Also rated very highly: Eros by Pjure. We all gave Durex Play a big thumbs down.
  
• Why do people video themselves having sex...I can see watching others, but I'm the last person I want to see gettin' it on....
  
• Methaqualine. At a pharmacy near you.
• SOHO3 Bar. Better go now. They may be re-formatting soon, or simply shutting down all together. Protection ain't protection, unless it protects. (You can quote me on that.)
  

Walkabout:
Chilling with the BigShark and M-104. Digging the ladies and the cool weather. Howie stopped in to say hi, and we got to see him renew his feud with M-104. So much for the holiday spirit bringing people together. Some things aren't meant to be. Dig.

Took a cute but bitchy VN-KH figuring it would suck. She was pretty cool. I like it when that happens.

Low expectations. The key to happiness.

Decisions

The holiday season is here. Beggar kids in Santa hats. Hotels and restaurants advertising $40 dinner buffets....Trees, lights,....Festive.

Last night festive meant a 10pm kick-off at California2 Guesthouse with a bottle of vodka and White Zombie on the stereo. It ended around 5am with a drunk-ass Bong trying to choose between the girl that tried to steal my laptop and the girl with the 1/2 African baby.

Decisions. Decisions.

Sharky Bar:
Packed last night. Good mix of tourists and expats downing cheap booze and digging the heavy metal mix. I set a date with a sexy Viet with big shoulders and a happening red dress. Watched a bunch of waitresses get bombed on Johnny Walker Black while CoolCatCurtis gave me the lowdown on Pattaya, and we all talked shaving with cold water (shampoo works well, as does a layer of soap+ shaving cream.)

ChillLarry came through with smoke and we talked books. James Ellroy is a god. James Lee Burke writes killer dialogue, Elmore Leonard is supremely cool, and.....

Inside Asia Magazine- the latest entry into PNH's free mag market- is out and...it kind of sucks. More importantly, they've managed to piss off some major advertisers by not bothering to send them copies. (It's already the 20th of the month.) I scanned a copy and...it's like the Pocket Guide but probably a lot more expensive to print. I didn't notice much in the way of original content -just a bunch of restaurant/ bar/hotel listings. The Pocket Guide's got that covered and...it fits in your pocket.

The devil in the red dress bailed when I wasn't looking (smart girl) and I needed to plot a new course. I figured I was wasted enough to stomach it so....

The Heart of Darkness:
Fucker tried to charge me $2 for a vodka w/ice. (Should be $1.50) Wall to wall chicks. I found a quiet place in the corner of the dance floor and watched the action unfold. Too many choices. Overload. I decided another drink would help. It didn't. I grabbed a 30-something and headed to Howies.

Howies Bar:
The boys were out in force. I don't recall much and I'm not sure why I started shouting angrily about Nazis. The 30-something took away my booze and we started talking about how Shanghai Bar could be better. Given the subject and the state we were all in...It was a short conversation. Shout out to BigRob: He knew I was too wasted to fuck and ran my girl out the door. Saved me $20...Dig. Howie decided to close early and my 9:40am class loomed on the horizon, so....

Walkabout:
Figured one more couldn't hurt. For once it didn't. Downed it. Said no to my favorite vampire vixens and hopped on a moto. I made it home and grabbed a few hours of shut-eye before class.

No bedspins. No throwing up. Even managed to fry up some food without burning the shit out of myself.

A pretty good start to the day.

Bong Back from the Dark

Many thanks to Dredge and Ubercon for keeping the blog up while I've been out. The latest hassle involved a 24hr power outage - the substation in the back corner of the gas station went up in smoke....again. They got it back up and running quicker than I thought, so...I have no excuse for not writing.

Besides, it was a good day. Cruising down St 240 this AM behind a pack of scooter douches doing the slow-speed weave-in / weave-out scooter douche ballet when one just - for some unknown reason - went down. We were all treated to the wonderful sound of idiots smacking against pavement. Better than any Christmas carol; it made my morning.

Questions remain: Will the smoke smell come out of my suits? Is $1/pair too much to pay for underwear? What is this latest burning sensation? And....

WHERE THE FUCK IS DiverTX?

Anyway, the season's changed. Winter is here and I'm digging it. The avg. Khmer may be running around in a parka, bitching about the cold, but it's a very chill 74 degrees and the "cold" weather seems to be keeping my alley pest inside.* I'm considering hiring a Wat Phnom monkey to come by, steal her radio, and beat her to death with it. It's just a matter of negotiating a good price. Monkey pimps are a pain in the ass.

So much has passed since I last wrote, and so much more has been forgotten.

Martini Bar & Disco:
The chick-to-dick ratio this past weekend was phenomenal. Not as many tourists as I recall from last year but maybe I've got that wrong. Bar receipts will tell the tale. KidCartoon is back in town, back on the pill, and back on the dance floors of Phnom Penh. Some people just aren't down with rehab. What can I say except...?

It's a joy to watch.

Complain about his antics, but we all know - A place like PNH needs people like this. These meltdowns allow you to fall 10 miles, and still be able to look down and see someone looking up at you. A service to any expat community.

The Africans are still around. Management has been made aware of the problem....What to do? What to do?

Sharky Bar:
They had a semi-private boat cruise with Talking to a Stranger. They had a nice boat, happy cakes, and a comfortable view of the orange-clad, overpaid, underworked denizens of NGO-land. The Hash House Harriers. Back at it - packed like sardines on some leaky wreck like a bunch of refugees (or is the term....displaced migrants? I'll have to consult my Aid-Speak Dictionary.) Just kidding. I heard a couple of them were cool.

By the way,....who was that orange-shirted swamp creature - pie-eyed and stumbling down Sisowath looking for a motodop desperate enough to take him? Nothing punctuates a party like sinking waist deep in a muddy mix of cow-shit and toxic chemicals. I hope the skin rashes clear up soon, bro.

Howie's Bar:
Howie - turn the flashing lights on the Christmas trees off. No one needs that at 4:30am. I'd write more but I'm sleeping with the enemy. She'll be here any second, so I gotta boogie.


Happy Holidays

Get into the spirit and look busy with the following link**:

http://www.elfmovie.com/swf/snowball_fight/index.html



(*The old bitch that sits outside my window every day playing her fucking radio at top volume.)
(**Thanks to Sharky Mike for the link.)

My five bucks.

Bong and I sippin drinks at Shark contemplating the roast beef sandwich with dip or going for the sure thing... the cheese steak sandwich. Well a couple more drinks later and no meal, Bong has opted for the super helping of something off the street near his pad for a couple bucks. Me I opt to load up on some snacks from the Khmer style business across from the VN massage parlors on Street 154.

My five bucks though not as fulfilling as the sandwich is going to take me through a few more days.

5 individually packed cream custard cakes, 3 of which I pounded down immediately

4 red bulls

3 Thai Sienghai (Shanghai) chocalate covered wafer sticks with the immitation nabisco
knock off logo in the corner.

2 Thai Ciga (cigar) like the shanghai wafers but the size of a large Havana.

1 Choco Milk Cream rolls (about 5 in a packet with one crushed) kind of like the above
wafers but in reverse.

1 bottle of Duck Pro bathroom cleaner

1 medium size bottle of off named mouth wash which probably carries the value than the
whole five dollars when used at the appropriate time by the appropriate person.

While scarfing the cream cakes I can hear screaming out side. The natives are restless but lets
take a look. Apparently some jau taking refuge in the wat and some drunk care taker of the wat
looking for him in the shadows with a weak flash light.

Crossed my mind.

Humans were doing what humans do long before there were books. Tia Carrere on Star Movies last night has seen better days.

Vacation Report - be afraid, be very afraid

Ubercon just returned from an island retreat on the tropical paradise of Phuket. Retreat in this case is a homonym, but more on that later. I read somewhere that the island was basically the playground for Thailand's wealthy and ain't it the truth. It's certainly nice although my own idea of paradise is somewhat distorted compared to that of a normal persons'. Sleeping in hammocks in the rain and staying filthy in the bush for days on end is how I get my jollies. I concur that the island's a bit pricey; after roughly 12 days I'm a couple grand lighter thanks to the expensive drinks and the GF unexpectedly showing up.

Patong had its moments and I can certainly recommend Andaman Sea Guesthouse run by the amiable canuck Flo (thanks for the reco Cali Jim). Friendly competant staff, clean rooms, new building, free internet and 24 hour bar are all available at very reasonable rates. Great fun and highly recommended.

If there's ever a doubt as to what country one is in all one has to do is count the bare torso'ed males and their owners. Let me get something straight right off. I have nothing against beer guts. I'm growing an impressive one myself. But I don't put it on parade. I know, it's hot alot of the time. But why would some 300 lb guy insist on walking down Bangla road wearing only a piece of dental floss for shorts just after it rained and the temperature dropped to a comfy 25 degrees? The locals don't want to see it and sure as sumo wrestling neither do I.

So... retreat II. The trip was to be a two-parter. Hang on the island for awhile and then hook up with a lifelong buddy from Ubercon's fatherland and his GF for some water based adventure afterward. Well they showed and shortly after, the spider senses started tingling. After a first rate reco from Flo on where to eat good and cheap seafood the three of us sauntered over to the Bangla soi that housed the restaurants. While thoroughly enjoying a repast of prawns, fish, and squid, Ubercon inadvertantly breached what was apparently a cardinal rule of conduct by dipping his spoon into the communal hot sauce, nearly sparking a one-woman riot. Okay, I was raised in a barn by wolves who had to walk 12 miles to school in a blinding snowstorm everyday and living in Cambodia doesn't help much either, so I might have to make up a few years in charm school. I admit that. But there's such a thing as degree and while the signs of that unidentified hepatitus disappeared months ago, the reaction seemed a tad excessive. Anyway, with some nice work it was quelled by my buddy but the ugly little scene left a foul mood hanging over the table like the dull fog over the Family Christmas Dinner when Aunt Agnes makes a snide remark about how dry the stuffing was this year. Such is the GF. Think of a female Howard Hughes without the money or airplanes. With more than a few quirks about germs, she possesses a collection of neuroses that makes Michael Jackson look like C. Everett Coop. Not exactly the friendliest sort, her judgemental nature and outspoken radical feminism make for a poor fit in the land of smiles, and maybe even the land of snears. Dunno, dont care.

Now in all fairness, I can understand how someone with, shall we say, a polarized moral opinion, can be put off by the sight of a young local lady walking hand in hand with an older western dude. And I can see how some people might even get a bit worked up during a friendly chat about it. I dont agree at all, but I can understand it; everyone's entitled to an opinion and all that crap. But when an enjoyable conversation about the similarities between dirt bike riding and mountain biking (for chrissakes!!) sparks the latest in a series of tirades, I'm thinking tranquilizer guns, lithium, and straightjackets. Last time I was in the west, this wasn't a controversial topic. So what to do? My GF is totally freaked out and not eating. My own gut is churning from the galactic vortex of negativity that has locals and tourists whom I barely know asking "what the fuck's up?" Maybe its time to think about pulling the plug on the holiday and getting back to the sunny side of life. It's a strange thought to have in a beautiful tropical setting where everyone else is enjoying themselves, but hey. So that said, it's great to be back to the land of the weird. It was also great to see my pal again as usual, even though it worked out to about $80/beer we drank together between the damage control sessions. So I probably wont be doing that again anytime soon. But of course that's just my opinion, I may be wrong.

Bong is good, Dredge is Evil

Maybe evil is not the word I am looking for, maybe scum is more like it. Sunday night football at Howie in the we hours. I make it by second half of the first game that starts at 1 am. Already a bit twisted, I walk into Howie and my first and only beer is paid for by someone at the bar. Sweet. Bong arrived from Shark at kick off and has two hotties in tow. He has been feeding them beers on his tab. Game finishes and Bong gives up the action to me. How good is that. I guess sometimes you win.

Bong Burned Out. Bungalo Battered by ....whatever

Yes - fire fucked my bedroom a week ago, but I'm back and the laptop isn't too badly damaged. The screen needs cleaning, so if anyone knows how to get smoke off a laptop screen, please give me a heads up. Sucks but...

It could have been worse.

Backstory:
I don't go out most Tuesdays since Wednesday is $1 spirits at Sharky Bar. My Tuesdays usually involve a big ass Lexomil (1200r), a couple, and 10 hours later my alarm goes off. On a whim, I decided to meet some people last Tuesday and it's a damn good thing.

The Fire:
About 1am my landlord's daughters sends a text saying, "There's a fire. Your house. Come now."

FUCK ME....

Jumped on the back of a 250 and in no time flat, I was back at my place - just in time to see 2 motos of smiling cops drive off. I ran over to check the damage - all the while calculating how much this was going to cost me.

The Bill:
No idea what happened - all I could remember was my landlord saying, "Don't worry." Over and over and something about EDC....Dig. He wasn't asking for money. Not even for the clean-up which must have been a major hassle.

I keep my door closed, so the damage was contained to that one room.

The Cause:
No clue. Looks like a power spike shot up the line and melted my a/c into small aluminum/plastic disk. The thing must have burned HOT, but most of the damage was from the thick toxic smoke that just blanketed the room.


Bong would have been smoked.

The Damage:
All of my socks and underwear, some clothes, my vast collection of pornography, some CDs, and my phone charger. I got off easy. I must have done something good in my last life.

The Cops:
Thankfully my landlord knows (and probably outranks) all of the cops that showed to "put out the fire", or they'd have taken the TV and the laptop and probably hassled me about the mountain of XXX dvds, the monster bag on the night stand, and the bamboo bong by the bed. I think they nabbed some small shit - a Swiss army knife, my can opener... Cool.

Displaced Person:
If you aren't staying at the riverside, check out the Yang Chou Thmey Hotel near St. 63 and 252. $10/night scored me a clean room with hot water, cable, A/C, fridge, and a porn channel. Don't forget the 2 bottles of water, and a 4-pack of Number 1's on the bed stand - WIN.

Chinese and Viet FOXES running up and down that street, but they are $$$. Every night's a Land Cruiser convention, but it is a good show - blaze a J and watch the action from the balcony.

What else can I say?

Happy to be here.

Down and out Bong

Bong originally invited me to post to fill in the idle time during the Bong Benders. I admit I slack off too. It's just too easy to go out get buzzed, enjoy the night and do it all over again, sans internet. Internet serves you and not vice versa. Bong will be posting eventually, but carbon particles on the laptop have him in limbo.

Dredge has been in a slump as well. Fuck the telephone. It clutters your free time with nonsense. You' re out on the town looking for some spontaneous action and you get innundated with phone calls as to what you are doing, where you're at, who you with. Ringer off. Better off not doing the GF thing. Not even the minor relationship thing either as it only causes more grief. Do the GF thing and you get out of town and she is out banging everyone behind your back anyway, so whats the point.

Against my better judgement, pulled a trophy out of shark the other night. Repeat. Knew the drill, the lack of value and the early wake up call. Just needed to remind myself that looks can be deceiving, and besides she just came back from the countryside. Over compensated in the M last night to make up the difference. Hey tourist, take note! This is the tropics. Its hot here. Can't stand the heat, go North!! Button your fucking shirts. You don't go out in your country with your shirt open what makes you think it ok to do it here. Better yet...you want to look like Pattaya Trash, then stay in Pattaya, because you dont belong in the M.