Stupidity in the Air

Crocodile JunKee:
Everyone's favorite (White) beggar scored a free meal the other day from a riverside restaurant. How he got served, I'll never know. Nor will I know why the staff believed him when he said he'd be,"..back in 5 minutes..." Score. Ah well, if he's busy scamming free meals then he's not busy burning down houses (4, so far, because the walls told him to.)


Paragon Cambodia:
The Paragon is over on Street 214 behind the Royal Palace - something you wouldn't know if you'd read the ad announcing the grand opening. Anyway, my bro and I toked up and headed over to PNH's newest upscale shopping destination - they have escalators - to see what the big deal was. What I remember:

• Back Canyon Coffee: Menu looked good ($2-$3 for most dishes) Basic cup of coffee was $1.50 per cup. Fuck that.
• Dragon Suki: A make your own soup place - like M&K in Thailand; decent selection of Thai and Chinese dishes ($2-$3); good dim sum (.75-.95) Free iced tea. A win.
• Aika (?) Japanese Restaurant: Special shout out to this place: Tasted like ass. And not good ass. Maybe the worst Japanese food in the history of Japanese food. But at least the booming Khmer and Chinese pop music sucked.
  
• Paragon Super Market: Prices and selection similar to Lucky. Diet Pepsi but no diet coke..bizarre.
  

When Sisters Fuck......

The weekend began with a plan to get healthy - the natural way. No more anti-biotics - I was out to drown the amoebas in my stomach with copious amounts of organic vodka. It didn't work. I ended up turning the amoebas into surly drunks, and the gut pains are intense. It was worth a try.

Sharky Bar:

The International Hash House Harriers and the dudes from the Angkor 10s rugby tournament came together for a night of drunken revelry. Lots of good natured fun. A few things stick in my mind:

• The dyke sisters chasing each other around the bar, playfully smacking each other in the crotch. They are pretty cool and besides, sex with biological sisters who like to fuck each other is a gift from above. SO DIG IT.
  
• Big A doing the RIGHT THING - taking command of the stereo and blasting Slayer, Saliva, Disturbed, Motorhead, and Godsmack loud enough to rattle the Commune Chief out of bed. It may have scared off some of the over-50 crowd but their Viagra-clocks were ticking and they were leaving anyway.
  
• The aging drunken runners (some stumbling around wearing massive backpacks) promised a crowd of 100+ and gave Big A about 4 hours notice to whip up a kick-ass buffet for them. He busted his ass, and the food was GREAT. But only about 50 people showed - and not all of them ate. Big fucking hassle.
  
• Sharky - Angkor 10s Rugby Cruise: Put 100 rugby players on a boat and add gallons of booze and some happy pizzas and what do you get? A bunch of monged out dudes having a chill cruise up the river. Lots of big smiles and slow stumbling. Fuck Beijing. They should have the 2008 Olympics here.
  

Other News:

Califonia 2 - Sharky Boat Cruise:
It's a done deal. November 23rd: 7pm-11pm. $7 gets you a feast on a big ass boat. Tix available at Cali2 and Sharky Bar.

Bar 104:
Shout out to Martin at 104 for letting me roll up, breaking out some Curtis Mayfield, and not kicking me out eventhough it was way past 2am and his demanding (and sexy) Zanzibar girl wanted to get it on. Hey - Superfly and friends come first. Martin can dig it, so check out his place next time you are in that neck of the woods.

New Bird Bar (Street 240):
It sucked. Trying to cash in on the popularity of The Freebird, some Khmer dude did the Khmer thing and opened the completely un-related "New Bird." What can I say except, I probably won't go back. Was it the $2.50 vodka? The annoying motodops? The stench of garbage? The still air and the lack of fans?

Apartment:
Need an apt. Give me a heads up if you are looking. The place is located near Street 63 and 240; it's new - $150/mo: 4th floor walk-up with kick-ass views, a nice breeze, and they'll put in a/c, TV, fridge....2BR/3 bath and a blacony.

Finally, this post may have sucked, but this link doesn't:

http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/10/charliebrownramadan.html

I recommend you download the .wav file (about 10mb), and play it.

Bong is a Lazy M#$ther F*cker

Ok - I've been AWOL for a variety of reasons - sloth is only one of them, but hey - I'm here now and I got some shit to tell:

Howies Bar:

Some things should be constant. The sun rises in the morning, and patrons at Howies Bar who are too wasted to roll their own j's can get a chick to do it in return for a lady drink ($3). But hey, suddenly they have some free-spending tourist telling them he's going to marry them and get them EU Passports - and they tell me they are too busy?? FUCK THAT! That dude'll be nailing some skank in Pattaya tomorrow night, and we'll still be here NOT buying you a drink. End of angry rant. Also at Howies:

The German factory owner - a regular visitor to the Land of Phony Smiles - had a plan we can all dig. Ply your girl with a gallon of booze and see just how dirty she can get. She got dirty all right - after about 10 B52 shots and a couple bottles of wine, he went to play pool and she promptly started buying B52s for the bar - on his tab. Later, I saw her leaving Walkabout with an American dude. Karma?

How do you solve feuding between waitresses? Send 1/2 of them on a week of unpaid vacation. Seems to have worked. Dara got canned again. This would be the 4th time in recent memory, but he works a mean grill so my guess is he'll be back soon. Other news:

• $1 fries added to the menu. Good move Howie - They kick-ass.
• He actually stayed open til 6am the other day.
• The best (and only) place to watch American football in town. Want to watch a game live with people who give a fuck - Howies is the place.
  

Thanksgiving

Sharky - California 2 Guesthouse Thanksgiving Boat Cruise:
It's (sort of) official. Sharky and Cali 2 will be having a $7 Thanksgiving boat cruise (7pm-11pm.) They've got the boat, decided on the menu, fixed a ticket price, and are working on advertising. The only thing left to do - find out when Thanksgiving is.

I thought it's the last Thursday in November. Someone else said it's the 4th Thursday in November. We've been calling all over town trying to figure this out. No one knows. Do you? Fill us in.

Testicals Swollen with Pride

If you are like me (and God help you if you are) Wednesday night means fuck-all on TV and $1 spirits at Sharky (9pm-midnight.) I put on my least stained t-shirt and headed out the door around 10 - just in time to catch the aftermath of a Tico-Camry smash up on the corner of Norodom and 136. The Tico lost that battle - pieces of it littered the street. Unfortunately, it looked like the occupants were uninjured, but at least there'll be one less Tico terrorizing traffic in PNH for a while. Not sure who was at fault but the Camry seemed to have a larger contingent of supporters.

Sharky Bar:
I got a seat at the bar next to a tattooed guy and a barang chick. He was drunk and unhappy - probably realizing what a mistake it was to bring her along. Live and learn young man. Oh yeah, and wear a fucking shirt. I don't care how cool you think your tats are - tank-tops are for the gym. This ain't Khao San Road.

Go-Kart Challenge:
Once again, the Bayon Pearnik-sponsored Testicles swept the field in the latest Go-Karting challenge. 38 participants from 8 teams paid $15 per person to compete in the event which included a stylin' t-shirt, transportation to/from the track, a BBQ, and all the racing gear you need to stay alive (helmets/racing suits,...) The winners received a bottle of vodka which they were kind enough to share. No major injuries reported. If you happen to be in town for the next one, check it out.

By 2am I was too drunk too fuck. That didn't stop me from taking the $1 ride out to Big M. (Some motodops will ask for $2. Tell them to burn in hell.) The disco was completely empty which was fine by me. Packed with people or not, it's dark, air-conditioned, and I can smoke and groove to Dr. Dre and Notorious BIG until the staff tells me to go home. 3am rolled around and it was off to Howies.

Howie's Bar:
Unbelievable as it may sound, Howie is on vacation. (!!) He went to Vietnam for a few days leaving the staff in charge. They seem to be keeping things in good order while he's away, so maybe he can renew his Club Med membership, and start taking more time off. Ran into a Viet cutie I haven't seen in a while, and toyed with the idea of making a date. Then I remembered how badly my urine burned the last time we got together - and told her I'd see her Friday.

This morning I woke up, noticed a a deep crimson stain on my right foot, and promptly fell back to sleep. A few hours later I stumbled to the bathroom and saw a dark red splotches and smears all over the floors in my bedroom and living room... Another trip to the clinic? Nahh,...I guess I stepped on someone's lipstick and dragged it all over the apt.

A perfect afterward to a pretty good Wednesday night.

Mini-Mart Mania

U-Mart:
A new mini-mart is open for business. You'll find it in that brothel/game center section on 63 Street near Sihanouk Blvd (Psar Thmei side of the blvd.) A welcome addition to the BBQ pork stands, video slot centers, brothels, and the all night phone shop. Now you can lose a few bucks gambling, score some durian flavored "Love Rubbers", get laid, eat, and sell that phone you just lifted off the drunk tourist at the Heart - all at 2am. WIN!

All I wanted was a diet coke. Bastards didn't have it. But they did have (as I recall):

• Schwepps Ginger Ale: .58
• Reg. Sodas: .28
• Large Bottle of Johnny Walker Red: $13.5?
• Small bottle Johnny Walker Red: $5.5?
  
• Large Bottle of Wrestler Wine (red): .65
• Condoms: .70
• Instant noodles: .14
• Most candy: .54
• No rolling papers.

Now you know.

Reading is Fun-Duh-Mental

Bong's Phnom Penh Bookstore Guide:

Life here isn't all booze, women, and, etc..Some of us actually read. Everyone has their go-to places. Here are mine:

Bohr's Books:
From the riverside: Go down the alley behind the California 2 Guesthouse and you'll find it. Roughly across from the Sugar Shack Bar. Prices range from $2 .50 - $4.00 for used or "locally published" paperbacks and softcovers. His stuff is in pretty good condition, and, unlike some others, he's good about taking trade-ins (avg $1.50/book) Bohr is a cool dude, so bring him some business. Great selection.

Cambodiana Hotel:
Surprise. Surprise. The bookstore at the Cambodiana has a decent selection of new paperbacks for $2-$4. PS: The bakery is 40% off after 6pm. Although, why they can't just make it 50% off is beyond me. Is 10% worth the extra math you need to do??!! Fuck it; their doughnuts and pastries are pretty damn good.

Panassastra University Library:
The main campus on Norodom has one of the best (English language) libraries in town, and it's open to the public. Check out the American Corner for a good selection of magazines and books. It's air-con, too. At one time anyone could pay 2000r/yr to join the library w/ full borrowing privileges. This may not be the case any longer, but if you've got nothing better to do, bake out, and spend an hour or 2 checking out the magazines in air-conditioned comfort.

California 2 Guesthouse:
Like many places around town, this guesthouse has a decent selection of paperbacks that are available on a "give one - take one " basis.

Another surprise:
The girls (who can read) really dig Khmer language pulp-fiction (romance, adventure, horror..) Want to be hero for an hour or 2? Get her something to read. Books usually go for about .50 - $2. Cheaper than a cell phone, and when you give a girl a book, you give her face. (Good karma for you!)

Solid Advice

It's been sort of quiet lately but that seems to be changing. The tourists are starting to come back, adding to an already festive atmosphere.

Martini:
Everywhere I went last night was packed. After a few quick ones at Sharky, I headed up to the Big M. Got there past 1 and the house was full. It stayed that way past 3. Note: The WC product seems to taste worse than usual these days, but hey - you get what you pay for. And although I complain, after 2 cigs, I was singing the lyrics to songs I don't know.

Baked. Unfortunately, I was too loaded to really lay into Weedburglar who had the gaul to dance in front of me and put on a soft-sell. Woman, you stole my smoke. I wouldn't take you home if you were the last nasty, dark-skinned chick on Earth. (Well, of course I would, but not last night.)

Shout Outs:

• Cheers to Aussie RK for laying some primo smoke on me. Good to have you back in town.
• Fuck You to the over-the-hill Pattaya Trash assholes who kept bribing the DJ at M to play classic rock songs. First the girls started leaving the dance-floor. Then they started leaving the room. Then my buzz started to fade. Thankfully, it took just one good soul /dance track to reignite things.
  
• Cheers to EMTed for good conversation. His latest medical advice: "Don't get shot in Cambodia. You'll die." Solid.
  

Star World Bastards and Radio Bitch

Thursday used to be a decent night to stay in and watch TV. The programming geniuses at Star World changed all that, and I blame them for this morning's hangover. Fuckers.

My Lien:
2 drinks and home. We sat down, promptly lost a series of Connect-4 games, and it was off to the dart board. Not sure why more places around town don't have dart boards. Probably because the thought of drunk expats hurling sharp objects around is nobody's definition of a good idea. But it is fun. Despite some errant throws, no one was hurt too badly, and we came away with a new found respect for William Tell. That shit's harder than it looks. Hope my tetanus shots are up-to-date; next time we'll sterilize the darts before we play. 2 drinks became 5. Thankfully, mamma-san let us run a tab and we headed down the road.

Equinox Bar:
1 am. It was just the way I like it: empty. Bebe, the owner, kept the drinks coming and poured us something red that he's been fermenting. It was good, and we didn't go blind. Cheers. He's looking to feature live music Thursday nights. New on the menu: Tapas for $1.25. No more pizza.

Hangover Exacerbated by Senile Bitch with Radio:
It would have been a decent morning had it not been for the worthless old bitch downstairs and her transistor radio. 7am and she's cranking some high-pitched Khmer pop from the '60s. I don't care if she is senile. When this happens, I find it helps to walk outside and scream vulgarities at her until she runs away. Does my angry shouting give her flashbacks of American choppers blanketing her village with bullets and napalm? I fucking hope so. Bonus: this morning 2 neighbors joined my vicious tirade and she actually turned the radio off. She'll be back tomorrow. (Anyone know a good witch doctor?)

Ways to Score a Buck

My intentions were good. Have a few quiet drinks, some intelligent conversation, and maybe stop off on the way home to help some street kids - teach them to fish, or weave silk, or make their own sniffing glue. It's important to help them to help themselves.

The Lesbian:
As I suspected, the girl with the Thai sugar-mamma was bullshitting. The Thai sugar-mamma is actually a Belgian sugar-daddy who's due back in town today. I was hoping she'd keep the lie going long enough to tell me about, "Tie Me Up and Take My Picture Night."

Would You Pay $1?
So many ways for a girl to score a buck. She can:

• Give a 5 minute massage.
• Roll a joint.
• Or, She can stuff a tissue between her armpits, soak up the sweat, and let some dude inhale it like an oxygen mask.

That's the latest one at Sharky. The things they don't teach in B-School.

The Camera:
A few days ago I wrote about a stolen camera. The saga continues. After spending 2 nights in jail, Camburglar copped to selling the ($500) camera for $40 to a, " a dark-skinned Khmer sporting slick-backed hair with a part down the center." The cops know him well, so off they went to the Stolen Camera Shop (no sign in English.) The fence wasn't there and neither was the camera. Back to the police station where our victim was given the option of sending the girl to jail for a while or working out a compensation plan. He agreed to let her go in return for $50. The cops sent Camburglar to Kampong Cham to borrow the money. We'll see if she ever returns. Either way, 2 nights in jail should put an end to her criminal career - at least until the baby is born. Retrieval costs to date: $35 and counting.

The Dirty Baron

Unconfirmed report:

Baron von Shtupem-Jung out and about? Rumors are circulating that a price has been fixed. His parents have been contacted and for $10k-$15k in legal fees, he could be back in the director's chair. (Although, thankfully, I think his days in KH are over.)

Out already? No idea. People say they've seen him on the riverfront, but I'm not so sure. I've personally seen a guy who's a dead ringer for him at Lucky Market. Same hair, same clothes, same posture, same type of young (but legal) Viet on his arm. It wasn't him.

No word on "Flying Fritz." (He got the name when he tried to evade police by jumping off a 2nd floor balcony. Unfortunately, there were no sharp sticks to break his fall.) My guess is he's going to suffer for his art.

What can be said for the Baron? I wish his wife and infant child the best. As for him, if he's guilty (and I go with the presumed innocent until....thing), he might consider eating a .45 - if only for the sake of humanity.

Sharky Cops Nab Cam-Thief!

Looks like my buddy's getting his camera back. Amazingly, the thief went back to Sharky. A waitress recognized her and called the cops downstairs. They snared her, called him, and the recriminations began. Her story went something like this: "No Steal!...I steal, because you NO pay..Ok, him pay....I steal, you know....I need money...Have baby inside..."

Anyway, he had to go to the station and fill out a report, she'll spend the night in jail, and tomorrow they're off to the fence where, hopefully, he'll be able to get his camera back. Good luck bro. Let us know how much it costs in the end.

I also recall:

• Momma-san at My Lien hates men who play games with her heart. Be warned, or get a TV remote control upside the head. Ouch.
• My Lien: New darts for the dartboard.
  
• The girls look really good when you mentally undress them.
  
• Official weight Frisbees for sale in Soriya (about $5)
• Black & White Bar closed for the past month. No explanation given. Not a big loss.
  

Idiot - She's DEAF and MUTE

I have no control. I was going to stay in and do something useful last night but alas...

Sharky Bar:
Good thing I went out. I would have missed crazy deaf/ mute girl's latest teary and violent rage. Running around, pounding on the bar, smacking - and being smacked by - other girls. A compelling scene. I can't blame her, though. Apparently, some dude came through town and fell for her. She's a pain in the ass, but she knows her game; visualize love with a yama'd -up seal that gives really good head.

Anyway, before he went home, he declared his love, layed some serious $ on her, and bought her a $300 cell phone - so they could keep in touch. (Did I mention she's deaf/mute?) Well, the guy kept calling her and not getting an answer, or when someone did come on the line, all he got was, "Arf...arf arf...ah!, ah.ah.ah. Uh! Arf!!.." He figured she was was blowing him off and stopped giving her cash. It's enough to make anyone put an angry drunk on and rage around a crowded bar. (Well,...at least it's enough to make her do it.)

If that story bores you, listen to this; it'll make you smile*:

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf


(*Thank to Sharky Mike for the link.)

Weekend Report

California 2:
It was Soul Night. Curtis Mayfield and Parliment grooves. I had visions of strutting in to the sounds of Superfly. I think it was actually Chaka-Khan, but whatever.... Coffee is now $1; still, it's all you can drink. A steal. Hey - who was that guy with a samurai sword outside the hotel the other night? An asshole thief, of course. He grabbed a chick's cell phone and made off with nothing to fear. Normally, someone would call a cop, but normal doesn't live here, and cops don't really work after 9pm (thankfully, I suppose.) The best we can hope for is the next time he pulls this shit, a crowd beats him to death. I have my fingers crossed.

Sharky:
Off to Sharky. Still packed at 11. A lot of people going back to the States for a while, so this was a "blow-out" weekend. Beer, vodka, wine, oK (locally made)...party aids galore. A good time was had by all. By 2am, the drugs were all competing with each other, and it was time to make a move.

Howies:
Back to Howies for more of the same. A local magazine publisher was celebrating his birthday, so more drinks, more oK (a special local brew), and more incoherent babble. By now I was staggered and had to keep myself upright and my bro from falling off a bar stool. I finally got him up and he pinballed around the bar, out the door to a waiting car. Kudos to crazy deaf girl for her Tasmanian devil / drunken seal impression - complete with tears and pounding on the bar. It seemed to start over a game of Connect-4, but I think it really began when she was born - craaazy.

Walkabout:
Staggered, I made my way down the street vowing to get some food and go home. I ordered some chicken nuggets ($2), and walked straight into a battle between 2 large, angry barang women and a confused guy. They were yelling at him; he seemed confused as to why. If I had to guess, it was because he was enjoying himself and ...barang chicks hate that. Later a group of Khmer dudes from a popular local bar came by and we started buying rounds. Cool dudes. It was fun although one of them started alternately biting my friend's nipple and grabbing my ass. All this ass grabbing and nipple biting got me thinking. I grabbed my nuggets, made a date with a dark-sexy mama, and off we went into the rising sun. Chlamydia be damned! Someone should write a song about it.

Friday (delayed)

My Lien:
$1 vodkas got the night started. My cell rang. A 001 call. The US. Young woman on the line: "Do I want to open an online FOREX trading account?" No. I want to get back to staring at the waitress's ass. Nice girl. Red thong today. Dig. My bro's telling me about a steady of his. She's back in town after a whirlwind tour of SE Asia with a lesbian sugar mamma. Says she's leaving the woman: she's bored, wants to be back in KH, she, "no like fuck lady", etc, ect.....Her story may be bullshit, but I want to know more. Maybe an interview is in order:

"Tell me about Shaving Night....Did she punish you when you were bad...?" Tell lies that excite me.

My Lien was uneventful until the French woman - large, drunk, and babbling - started making conversation in French and English. It looked like she was going to get grabby, and since she wasn't passing her joint, we decided to move on.*

Sharky:
Lots of people out Friday night. We split a bottle of vodka ($20) and settled in. My bro found a busty woman with a cute face and a warm heart. Wholesome country girl. She was busty because she was pregnant. (He got his milk on and his $500 camera stolen. We'll go hunting for it Sunday.) We yapped until the lights came on. I remember nothing.

Martini:
It was almost 2 by the time I got to the Big M. The disco was dead but the outdoor area was still happening. I ran into an old friend, "Golden Shower girl."We headed to the Heart.

Heart of Darkness:
Got there about 3 and it was still kind of packed. I remember a sea of White dudes dancing with each other. Not the gay kind; more like the NGO-I don't do taxi girls- kind. Ok, 6 of one - 1/2 dozen of the other you might say, but,... I prefer it to a house full of drunk and unpredictable Khmers. I rarely go to the Heart these days, but if the crowd is safe, it's air-con, dark, and open, and the djs are pretty good. Didn't even get the usual gaggle of ladyboy spectators when I went to piss. (FYI: Vodka: $1.50, Bud: $2.50)

Howies:
Full house at 4am. Rapped with the other vampires, blazed a j, drank some more, and finally had one of his sausages. I remember getting bit twice, slapped once, and burned with a ciggarette. I love Howies. I love Phnom Penh.


(*Note: My Lien is not really smoke-friendly)

Scooter Douches

So I'm walking back from the market this evening when I hear the familiar sound of beeping horns and yelling. There they were, 3 deep on a Honda Wave, doing a high-speed slalom down bustling Street 63. I call these people "Scooter Douches." I hate them dearly.

Unfortunately, they don't crash often enough, but today was my lucky day. They shot a gap between two motos, swerved to avoid a parked truck, and as they leaned into a hard left turn, they lost it and skidded sideways into the curb. Fucking beautiful.

I'm not sure if my favorite part was the flying fiberglass, or the sound of their bodies hitting the pavement. Heck, it was all good. If they'd hit anyone on the sidewalk, the crowd might have beat them to death. That would have been nice, but hey, a wrecked moto and maybe some broken bones is enough to satisfy me. I wanted to stay and gawk, but had to get home before my ice cream melted. So far, it's shaping up to be a great Moon Festival.

Bong's Bag Missing! Hacienda Abuzz with Suspicion!

The Crime of the century? Not really, but it does suck...Now I have to struggle through Star World programming stone sober. Oprah won't be the same.

I confronted the sisters; it got messy, but their stories check out. (I did get my phone back, though.) I'm left with one Chief Suspect. It was my "free" date from Sunday (until Tuesday.). I know. I know. There's never anything free about a No pay, no problem-encounter. But then again, (to paraphrase Seinfeld) who can resist the siren-song of free love? I assure you all that it won't happen again...Until the next time.

(PS: In order to recoup my losses, I'm selling the underwear she left behind on a Japanese auction site.)

Now, to redeem this post with something educational:

Tomorrow the Chinese Moon Festival kicks off. All over town Chinese-Cambodians are loading up on party decorations and Moon Cakes. I've never had a moon cake, but they go for about $3-$5 a piece. Probably worth it. I figured there was more to this holiday than moon cakes, so I went to About.com.

"Just like Christmas and Thanksgiving in the West, ...one of the most important traditional events for the Chinese. The Moon Festival is also...romantic... Lovers spend a romantic night together tasting delicious moon cakes with some wine while watching the full moon."

Right on. I know what I'm doing tomorrow night.

It's All About the Cell Structure

I hit Sharky last night to see what was up and check out the band. Here's what I can remember:

Ass-wipe Motodop:
I should have known...Always be wary of motos that smile and speak to you in English. Also, when the guy stops 40 ft away from the bar, it's because he's going to try and rip you off, and he doesn't want the other motos and security guards to see it. In the end, it was pitiful attempt to try and get $1 for a 50 cent ride. My advice: make him stop at the entrance. If he won't take the money, put it on the seat and walk away. Oh, and don't forget to tell him to Fuck Off.

Curtis King Band - Unplugged.
Very unplugged. They didn't play. The gig in Siem Reap was a hassle and the band was beat. Apparently, the rich Indians they were playing for had all sorts of special requests and were a real pain in the ass. Fuck it; the band will be back this way soon.

There's a New Vodka in Town.
It's cool. It's clear. It's organic. It's $25 a case. UK 5. "...UK5 Organic Vodka uses only the world’s purest water and the world’s finest organic grain which has a denser cell structure for making premium vodka..." It was the cell structure that made me drink so damn much of it last night. Goes down a bit too smoothly. I'd had 9 of them before I realized I was too drunk to walk a straight line to the bathroom, so I grabbed a pen and started scribbling nonsense on my arms. Thank you UK5.

Howies Bar sans Sausage.
Even Howies was a bit slow last night. Howies burgeoning sausage empire has a problem. No sausage. The supplier took his staff to Kampot, and the result - a cold grill. No word on when he'll be back at it. Maybe he did say something about it, but by that time, I had about 11 drinks in me. I watched drunken customers seduce the hapless barstaff, and even considered buying a waitress a ladydrink. When such thoughts start to creep in, it's time for Walkabout.

Walkabout:
We got there past 5am and it was Dead. Where the fuck is everyone? I think the few male customers actually outnumbered the ladies. Depressing. Didn't bother to finish my drink.

On the way home, I hit the new 1-2 Convenience store on 63 Street. I like it. A store full of items priced $1.47, $2.54, $3.36, and so on. Anyway, if you find yourself without diet coke or rolling papers at 3am, you know where to go.

Why Not?

I try to avoid politics, (except for a small banner ad at the bottom of this blog...) but I couldn't resist. Besides, DonBong FEARS NOTHING! (I'm too dumb.)

This dude's an ex-marine with a business idea, and a plan to support free expression (in Denmark. ) He's got balls, and he's got heads: Mo- hammed Bobble-Head Dolls. I hear he's just placed an order with his Chinese manufacturer for 1000 more. You can order online.

Live Music at Sharky

Just a quick reminder, the Curtis King Band will be back at Sharky tonight for an acoustic show. They shook the house with a blues/rock/soul sound Friday night - they even threw in a rapper from Cameroon. How 'bout that!? Tonight should be good. Like last time: No cover, so they ask that you drink a lot.

Also, if you are in the mood, Tuesday is pool tournament night at Walkabout. Win a few games and you might score a bar tab. If you've got nothing better to do, check it out.

No Way to Start the Week

May your Monday turn out better than his.

Bitch wants her chicken NOW

Drama at the Chicken stand
An American from LA - all he wanted was a BBQ chicken. A Cambodian housewife- maybe she forgot her meds. The BBQ Chicken girl- waiting for a face-full of acid. How do you piss off a Cambodian woman? Serve the barang first at the chicken stand. Just ask the poor girl working there. She got a loud, angry earful from a fierce KH matron after she served the barang first. The wait cost Angry Matron 10 seconds of her life, and she spent 15 minutes letting everyone know. Witnesses weren't sure who actually ordered first, but they all agreed: Dat Bitch be CRAZY. The American probably had no idea what she was yelling about.

Woman! Take your pills!

In order to give this story some redeeming quality:

• Where: In front of Lucky Market (Shnk/Mnvng)
• How much: $2.50, you get a whole BBQ chicken served with greens and cucumbers.
• My take: Tasty but kind of small. You can eat better for $2.50

Saturday Night News

CA 2 Re-Opening Party: (Sat. 7pm - can't remember)
Take a 100+ people, give them free booze, and put them in a small space. Rainy season or not, folks'll be sweating their balls off in no time. Not at the re-designed California 2. High ceilings and well placed ceiling fans helped the mainly expat crowd get bombed in cool comfort. Great time and hey, plying those Malaysian girls with free tequila and t-shirts went a long way towards getting them to go down on me in the bathroom.* Thanks man. (PS: Next time you take a piss, dig the photo above the toilet. Great choice.)

The only problem now will be closing by 10pm. I think Jim may have inadvertently created a happening late night bar. A black light, 75 cent Beer Laos, and all that riverfront action - Forget about it... Good luck getting people out by midnight man.

Things I recall:

• Drink and room prices won't be rising.
• Tiger and Heineken are going on the menu.

Talkin' to a Stranger: (? - ?am)
I never go here but it's a nice place. The owners have an art gallery and the crowd reflects that scene. Anyway, a band called Betty Ford was playing and a lot of people wanted to check it out. I went too. The band was long gone by the time I got there, but by all accounts they were pretty good. I'm told they fuck up less than most Cambodian bands. We shot the shit for a couple hours and then it was off to Howies.

Things I recall:

• Vodka - $2.50
• 3 drunken white men trying to nail down a buck-toothed Scottish girl. I think the Brit computer guy scored. Well done.
  

Howie's Bar: (?am-5:30am)
Howie's was packed all the way to closing. Had a couple drinks, smoked a j, and shot the shit.

Things I recall:

• Paul tells me that the Curtis King Band will be back at Sharky's on Tuesday to do an acoustic show. Should be good.
• Howies sausages were selling well and they look damn good. Definitely worth 2 bucks. Will Raz be lowering the price of his hot dogs to compete? Time will tell.
• The girls will roll a professional j if you buy them a drink.

Walkabout (5:30am - 6:something)
The Walkabout. The place we love to hate. You can get drunk, fed, and laid 24 hours a day. Watched Robbie fuck with a yama'd up French dude, told a girl I saw her naked on the Internet, and hooked up with a regular who said I didn't have to pay her. (Read: she's on the rag, can't work, and needs a place to crash.)



(*this never actually happened)